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How to deal with a husband that is loving but a jerk?

My husband is very loving but 4 the last few years he is being harder to live with.He has never hit me or anything like that. he just flys of the handle so easily now days sinces his mom died in June of this year.I'm ready to leave but something just holds me here. We have 3 kids.And i don't feel like im staying here 4 them i just don't know how to help him get threw all this and on top of it all we take care of his dad,and he goes to collage.what soyld i do?

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kat116

Asked by kat116 at 1:45 PM on Nov. 12, 2010 in Relationships

Level 5 (68 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • Does he realize his fuse is shorter? Maybe he needs some professional help to deal with it? If you have tried talking to him about it and he does not change, maybe you need to recommend going to a cousilour?

    Any person that wants to save their relationship will say yes.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 1:49 PM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • Sounds tough. My husband is a jerk sometimes too and I love him anyway. If there is something holding you there other than the kids maybe you're not ready to leave. Consider telling him how he makes you feel and that you cant take much more if he loves you and wants it to work out he will try get through this with you not take it out on you.
    bellsandheels

    Answer by bellsandheels at 1:51 PM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • I have talked and talked buts it like he hears me then he don't. He starts to change then he goes right back. I know how he was raised and i don't know how to break the chain. The past week he has been taking it out on the 2 oldest kids they are 12 and 13
    kat116

    Comment by kat116 (original poster) at 1:55 PM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • It is so hard to answer this without knowing everything and all aspects. It sounds like your husband needs some venting space, some maybe "man" time. If he is not being abusive, then stick around and be supportive, but if he is abusing your or your children in any way, id say tell him he needs to get help, or you will need to leave. It is so tricky when there is much awful going on... point is, if he refuses help, and your family is being bashed because of it, you need to leave until he is helped...
    icn_mom

    Answer by icn_mom at 2:06 PM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • I will try to help for a bit longer,he likes going fishing to help him relax maybe i should get him to go for a few days to get away. the more the holidays get here the worse its been getting i feel in my heart its the lose of his mom he ways a mommas boy. i just pray God gives me strength. Thanks for everyones advice
    kat116

    Comment by kat116 (original poster) at 2:21 PM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • Men generally don't like going to counselors because in a man's mind they don't discuss their feelings as they mostly view sharing feelings as being a womanly quality.
    Women, by design, are the nuturing/sharing type and men usually stuff their feelings and work their inner turmoils out.
    Talk to your honey about how you feel and what you've noticed about him.
    Say something along the lines of; "honey, I've noticed that since your mom's passing you seem more tense and unhappy, it must be really hard losing your mom...how close were you?"
    ALOT of times men display depression and anxiety with anger...they don't know how to show feelings of over-all saddness and depression...the end result being an irritable man to be around.

    The world's view of men having to be stoic is a ridiculous one and depending on his up-bringing he still may not want to talk but at least then you've shown him that you have some insight to how he feels
    Missikat75

    Answer by Missikat75 at 2:29 PM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • Let him know how you feel and see if he will seek counseling to deal with what happened to his mom. Most men wont I agree with Missikat75. However, if he wont the try to talk with him and let him know you want to fix the problem walking out is not always the best answer especially when kids are involved.
    Momabear455

    Answer by Momabear455 at 3:32 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

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