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I hit my husband. I want help but I am scared...

I was abused as a child. Now I am an abusive wife. It is not the first time it has happened. I am not a bad person and this is not who I want to be. I did not picture myself like this as a child. I feel filthy inside, but I am afraid if I seek help they will take my baby away. I am so scared. I am good too my baby and I want to be good to my husband. Please don't hate me... I already hate myself.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:55 PM on Nov. 12, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Set up a time to speak with a therapist. They can help you sort through your feelings and hlep you to be the person you DO want to be. They will not take your baby. Your baby is in no danger. There is no reason for it. Plus there is doctor patient confidentiality.

    Answer by But_Mommie at 2:01 PM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • First of all, good for you for reaching out for help!!!! I would say seek therapy. They are not going to take your child for getting help. That is what the help is for! Talk to your husband, explain how sorry you are for hitting him, and that you are on an emotional downslide. you really want help and would love his support on the situation. You can even go as far as to ask him to join in on a session or two! Having him there may help releive your stress of thinking they are going to take your child, because he can validate that you are not usually abusive, and you are a good mother!
    Just keep your chin up, and recieve some help hun, no shame in that game!!!

    Answer by icn_mom at 2:02 PM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • First and formost, you need to be able to discuss this with your husband. Hear how it makes him feel, what he thinks, his concerns, etc. Discuss how you could deescalate yourself before getting to the point you feel the need to lash out physically. How often does it happen? Is it a pattern of a situation, like when XYZ occurs you hit him? You have to look at your triggers to begin to change. If you care to not seek therapy, look at what other options there are out there for you. But therapy may be a good step.

    Answer by 2BlondeBabies at 2:03 PM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • If you follow the rules and get help it is unlikely that they'll take your child away. They'll most likely leave the child in the custody of your husband until you recieve the help you need.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 2:03 PM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • There is somewhere you can go for help that I don't believe will result in your losing your child. Many churches offer free counseling for people just like you. Why don't you call around to the ones in your town and ask if they have people who are trained in those areas. In the meantime, tell your husband you are sorry you hit him and ask him to please forgive you for doing it. Stating those things out loud will be a big help to you. Admitting you have a problem is always the first step in getting it solved. I know that there is help available if you are only willing to make some phone calls.

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:03 PM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • I would talk to a therapist. They wont take you baby away, You dont need to worry about that. Maybe your husband and yourself could do therapy together and get to the bottom of what makes you want to hit him. Or you and your hubby could try to talk about it first.

    Answer by JakesCupcake at 2:05 PM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • I am pagan so I will not go to a church. I want traditional therapy. Also, I am a SAHM and DH travels to other countries for extensive periods of time for work so if they took her foster care is where she would probably go.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:07 PM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • If you are seeking treatment, they will not take away your baby. Go now... get treatment now, don't put it off another day.


    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 2:12 PM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • Do you have a family member to leave the baby with? No matter what it needs to be done. Talk to your husband and then get a therapist.
    Good luck

    Answer by arenad at 2:18 PM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • Absolutely get a therapist. One who deals with cognitive therapy. Retraining your thinking. Because of your past, something makes you feel that it is OK to hit your husband. It is not. You are not filthy, but you are confused and hurting. Get help before he files assault charges on you. This is becoming more and more common as men who are being hit are standing up against the women who hit them. I don't think you will lose your child if you go to a therapist, but you could lose your whole family if you don't.

    Answer by lilangilyn at 4:29 PM on Nov. 12, 2010

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