Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

FAVORITE KIDS?

Does anyone have problems with family members playing favorites with your kids? OMG! I hate it. My fiance is my oldest daughters stepfather. We have 2 children together. A few people in his family treat my daughter horribly. Then if she has time with someone else, they are always accusing of favorites. I mean, how hypocritical! Right? I mean, they will bring candy over for the other kids, but not for my daughter. Or give the other kids dollars, and not my daughter. I mean I don't understand. All kids are precious. And why would anyone put any child through this? I guess I'm asking, what is a nice way to put them in their place?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:22 AM on Nov. 3, 2008 in General Parenting

Answers (10)
  • I don't know. We are a family of steps and halfs, but lines have never been drawn there. My oldest sister is my half sister and my dad is her step dad, however, he has been there since she was about 18 months old and she calls him dad and calls her dad George. She has two step children that she does and would do anything and everything for. They call her Mamma Manda. I have one step son that I have raised since he was about a year old. In each case, the step parent is more involved than the biological. And our family sends the step children just as many presents and call the step children just as much or whatever as the biological. Perhaps tell them that they are hurting her and that you won't let them spoil your husband's children if they are not going to be equal. You marry someone with children you marry the children, and the family should accept that.
    Mom1Stepmom1

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 1:32 AM on Nov. 3, 2008

  • OMG is right ! Since his relatives are committing these offenses, it is his place to be the man and set this straight for his own family of a wife and three children. To do it nicely, he could say "It is so thoughtful of you to have brought over some candy. But you didn't remember Teresa ! I'm sure you didn't INTEND to be rude and offensive when you did this, but you were. As a parent, I expect my children to be treated with respect. Also, I am teaching my children about fairness, and they need to see fairness and respectfulness in their own family's behavior. ... I would like to continue having my kids visit with you. If you don't think you can remember to include ALL my children, then please do me a favor and don't bring anything for ANY of them. " ... Something like that. ... And if he is not man enough to say this to them himself (like you ought to if these people were YOUR relatives), then you will have to do it.
    waldorfmom

    Answer by waldorfmom at 1:42 AM on Nov. 3, 2008

  • My exes parents would do this to my kids (their own grand kids).. They would go out of their way to do for my son and leave my daughter completely out!! They would give my son a soda and tell my daughter to go home and get one.. They would let my son eat w/ them and make my daughter go home to eat.. etc.. Things like that.. Everyday. Thing is she is their ONLY grand daughter.. Now that I'm remarried and her father doesn't have anything to do w/ her, she doesn't have anything to do w/ them. Last time she went over there her grandmother chased her around the couch over a bag of chips that cost maybe $2.. They don't call on her b-day, they don't buy her Christmas presents, NOTHING!! So, I have cut all commucation off. IF they wanted to see her they could come see her, they haven't showed up yet and thats been a year and a half..
    honeys_sugamama

    Answer by honeys_sugamama at 9:13 AM on Nov. 3, 2008

  • I have an eight year old son and a five year old son. Everyone treats our five year old better than our 8 year old. Our 8 year old is strating to suffer from it. I had a neighbor who would tell him his little brother could do no wrong and she threatend to whip him. She would also take our little one to her house but not our older one. I had a few weeeks ago a frien d tell him he wasnt as cute and well behaved as his brother. he didnt let her see him cry but5 when she walked away he cried. i told him to listen just to tell them his mommy and daddy doesnt think that
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:20 AM on Nov. 3, 2008

  • My ds got this from many sides when he was younger (now15yo), his cousin 3weeks younger was my stepmoms favorite and they both knew it from a young age, my dh was his stepdad(now adopted him) and his biodads family treated my ds like crap b/c they hated me for leaving him! I tried dropping hints about it to all of them and found that the direct route was best, like told my inlaws dh chose me and my son and they need to accept ds as one of the family, stepmom would complain about ds being "mean" and not affectionate to her I said "well what do you expect?" as for the ex-in-laws when biodad started pulling away so did they, none of them talk to my son anymore. As for helping your child deal with it, take the its their loss attitude and she will follow.
    goaliemom93

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 10:08 AM on Nov. 3, 2008

  • OMG CAN I TOTALLY RELATE. My dh has been raising my older 2 (both from the same previous relationship) 4 the 8 yrs. we've been together. Well, his family had a reunion 3 yrs. ago. I was outside smoking a cigarette and my oldest dd (my hubby's step daughter) was with me when one of his cousins walks by. She asks me if she (refering to my dd) is his (refering to my dh) and I smiled and said "One of them". Then she says, "No, I mean the one that's his". I was one step away from whooping her old ass. And here's the kicker, she didn't even know my dd's (refering to the dd we have together) name bc when I said, "O, you mean MaKayla?", she said, "Is that her name?".
    LovingParent08

    Answer by LovingParent08 at 10:21 AM on Nov. 3, 2008

  • And I know this might sound a little corny and dumb (to some readers), but I remember an episode of the brady bunch where bobby didn't think that mrs. brady didn't love him as much because he was her ss and I remember what mr. brady said, "The only steps in this house are the ones that go upstairs. I didn't realize it then, but it's actually a pretty powerful comment IMO.
    LovingParent08

    Answer by LovingParent08 at 10:22 AM on Nov. 3, 2008

  • Sorry if it reposted, I deleted it by mistake. Sorry!
    LovingParent08

    Answer by LovingParent08 at 10:23 AM on Nov. 3, 2008

  • I have this issue with my MIL. She is my daughter's step-grandparent but in my family we never drew any lines either, kids were all treated equal and loved as if they were blood. My MIL never calls or sends cards to my daughter on her birthday. Last birthday she handed her a pair of pants and said "I bought these for Josie (My neice, who is her "blood" granddaughter) but they didn't fit her so Happy Birthday" I was so mad!! You don't tell a 7 year old that you're giving her something only because they didn't fit someone else! This was just an example of things that she's done that make my daughter feel "less than" and I refuse to allow it to happen. When we brought it up to her she said she didn't do anything wrong and refuses to see our point.
    mrswright1170

    Answer by mrswright1170 at 11:56 AM on Nov. 3, 2008

  • Thanks. Glad to know that I'm not the only one with the stepfamily thing. The sad thing is that my fiance has raised her since she was 2 years old, and now she is almost 7. Her biological father is not in the picture. She calls her "stepdad" dad. I just don't get it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:22 PM on Nov. 3, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN