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2 Bumps

Why would I feel bad?!

This morning my DH went to jail for domestic violence. He woke up in a pissy mood and started throwing me around like I was some type of rag doll and our 13 month old got caught in the middle and ended up getting knocked over by accident. I called the police, pressed charges and now I'm stuck between hating him and feeling so terrible about having him arrested. I'm supposed to show up for his arraignment tomorrow morning but I don't want to be the sucker who drops the charges because I feel I did something wrong. This type of thing has NEVER happened between us, we have our issues but never to this extent. Today he didn't "hit" me, just pushed me around. Why would I feel bad although I did the right thing??? Can someone knock some damn sense into me or is what I'm feeling normal?!

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Marix3

Asked by Marix3 at 4:51 PM on Nov. 12, 2010 in Relationships

Level 14 (1,755 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • You are feeling normal feelings I think but PLEASE don't drop the charges! Think about what could happen if you do. :( It could escalate. And don't fall for the "I'll never do it again routine" if he ever tries to pull that one either.

    Get out while you and the baby still can and are safe and nothing worse happens.

    Stay safe.
    Memigen

    Answer by Memigen at 4:53 PM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • "Just" pushing you around? Your CHILD was knocked over, meaning she WITNESSED this?? I'm glad you know you did the right thing, but seriously, you need to be strong. How would you react if you knew that DD's hubby did this to her? You'd castrate him, right? It's NEVER okay to put your hands on someone, even if it's "just" pushing you around. Stand up for your rights, and let him suffer the consequences of his actions. Are you planning on staying with him?
    All I can say is, if DH ever laid a hand on me, it would only happen once. Especially if it was in front of DS or DS got caught in the cross fire.
    musicpisces

    Answer by musicpisces at 4:55 PM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • It's normal. I had something way worse happen to me in the past with an ex. The night I had him arrested I had already left him but he called me and was sure I was with another man that he threatened to kill me so I called the police and he was arrested. If I remember correctly he already had a warrant out anyway for what he had done the day I left him but he had run to hide in another town. He was thrown in jail for several weeks but not long after I had him arrested, I felt so bad, like I was wrong. Then my family and friends helped me realize that any man who hits or even pushes a woman has problems and whatever punishment comes his way is what he deserves. I'm sorry you're going through this but the fact that he did push you and while your child was in the room is scary. Let the law deal with him. Don't be the sucker.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:57 PM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • If he started throwing you around just because he was in a bad mood, then he has some very serious problems. When my husband was a very young man (we've now been married almost 46 years), he had a very bad temper, and I knew exactly which buttons of his to push to make him even more angrier and to make him behave in ways for which he was truly ashamed. Did my actions excuse his behavior? No, not at all, and that is not my point. The point is that when we choose a man to be our life-long companion, it becomes partly our responsibility to assist him in over-coming all his faults. That does not mean that you should not do what is necessary to protect yourself from physical harm. I would go to that arraignment tomorrow and ask for the court to help us find someone who will help us to help each other. Your marriage can become better as a result of this if that is truly what you want to have happen. My husband is a changed man!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 5:02 PM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • You did the right thing! Stick to your guns & dont take him back. You may have to deal w/ him down the road if he gets visitation. But you should request parenting classes, anger mgmt classes & some type of supervised visitation to start with. Guys like that dont change their spots very easily. Keep you and your child safe please! Dont become another statistic- or worse another victim.
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 5:04 PM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • ok the person who hid under anonymous it's not normal at all! That being said you did the right thing if you didn't do it when you did what more would've happened?? I probably would've done the same thing..He had no right to push it's not your fault he woke up pissy..You probably need to leave him for a while as well so he realizes what he had and now it's gone that being said does this happen all the time?? Does he have anger issues? To me it just seems like it's happened more than once you need to be the first to admit that that's the first step to healing realizing you have a problem..Don't let him get away with this if you do next time can be much worse.
    chica679

    Answer by chica679 at 5:05 PM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • You did the right thing! Don't drop the charges!! What happens if you just let this roll off like it's ok? Then how far will he take it next time...then the time after that...and the time after that??? Please keep the charges to let him know that you are seriously not going to tolerate this type of behavior.
    mama2br00ke

    Answer by mama2br00ke at 5:05 PM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • I am 22 and my parents are going through something like this. The first time my dad was aressted, my mom droped the charges b/c he was getting counsiling. Two weeks later he came over in a violent temper. I called 911 but before he got here he had already thrown her up against a wall so hard, it broke the wall. If I hadn't been here to call 911 I am scared to think what would have happened. Please don't drop the charges. Not only can they do something to protect you but the charges against him might stop someone else from being with him and ending up worse then you. This type of violence only gets worse. If they have it in your area please call quigly house, they can help you decide what is best for you
    JLS2388

    Answer by JLS2388 at 5:08 PM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • ok the person who hid under anonymous it's not normal at all!

    I think she meant it's normal to feel this way- questioning yourself....and it is, but obviously you know he did something wrong or you wouldn't have clled the police in the first place. Stay strong and stick with and remember that you deserve to be treated with respect!!
    skittles1108

    Answer by skittles1108 at 5:13 PM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • This is abuse. And it doesn't matter if he didn't hit you--physically pushing you is still aggression AND if he thinks he can get away with it, it most likely can turn into worse. You did the right thing. Now, go to that arraignment and do not drop the charges.
    And, feeling the way you are feeling right now is normal for this type of situation. My sister had the same feelings when she finally pressed charges against her abusive ex husband.
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 5:16 PM on Nov. 12, 2010

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