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7 Bumps

Stepdaughter problems...

I love my husband very much but I hate to say it but it is very hard to love his daughter. She is 19 years old and just had a baby , her husband is deployed and she says that when he gets back they are going to buy a house . Until he gets back in a few months she is living with her mom and then coming to our house about 2 or 3 days a week to stay and spend time with her dad, that way she doesnt have stay alone and can save money. I think her parents letting her do this is CRAZY ! She is a married mother, she needs to live on her own. She wanted this life & finished high school early so she could, she should have to live with her choices !

Another thing is, is that I am 40 y/o and in great shape I think that there is no excuse for being overweight, which she now is. I told her I will buy her a gym membership and she declined, not sure what else I can do !!!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 7:40 PM on Nov. 12, 2010 in Parenting Debate

Answers (32)
  • I will address the weight issue offense but your stepdaughter's weight should be her concern, not yours. I would be offended if my stepmother offered to buy me a gym membership. Maybe she is comfortable in her own skin. I think you might have had good intentions but not everyone wants to be thin or in great shape. It's not a priority.

    As far as your stepdaughter living with her mother, well this is a tough one. She is very young. Nineteen year olds are still very immature. Yes, she married and had a baby. It doesn't make her mature. I am grateful that she has husband and he is serving our country! Could be much worse, she could be totally alone or have a drug dealer boyfriend! Be grateful!

    It sounds like you need to communicate your feelings to your husband and possibly her if she is cramping your style. I see this as an opportunity for you to bond with your grandchild. Good luck.


    Answer by twinkletoes0408 at 7:46 PM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • Well it sounds like you are willing to help her but she has to help herself. I mean how can you help someone if they are not wanting to get off their own butts..GL

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 7:49 PM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • POSTER ***

    LoL first I have to say this is not my grandchild... I am too young and hot to be a granny LOL !

    The main problem I have with her is that she is mature - too mature that she isnt fun... she acts older than I do for crying out loud. I offered her a gym membership and she said no, but now when she comes over she is either watching football with her dad, playing with her baby or reading, she is going to waste her young years and then one day she will wake up and realize what she missed and will probably drop the baby off here so she can go party and I will not be taking care of a baby !

    It just drives me crazy that her mother and my husband thinks that it is good for her to live like this... I just cant let it go and it is causing problems with he and I !

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:51 PM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • POSTER ****

    Also I understand she just had her baby 2 months ago... but she has gone up 3 jean sizes and she just thinks that she will get back to her size in time...give me a break !!

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:53 PM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • I usually don't bash but this I have to say something. As far as her staying at your home to save money that is between you and your dh. In my opinion if you are not struggling for money and it's only a few mths, well that is what parents Shame on you for saying anything to her about her weight. She didn't come to you for help in that issue, so that isn't any of your business. Just because you prefer to be one way dosen't mean you have the right to push your values on her. I wish you could show a little more empathy consdering her husbanb is fighting for the freedom you like to express so much.

    Answer by aitson at 7:55 PM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • I agree with the previous poster, Aitson. I had posted earlier that you should NOT bring up her weight. It's none of your business and the fact that you stated that you are too young and hot to be a grandmother painted you in a whole different light. You sound quite immature and in fact seem quite jealous of the relationship your husband has with his daughter and grandchild. If I were you I would consider this child my grandchild too if you are married to her father. But I guess you don't see it this way. It's sad. I feel sorry for your stepdaughter. Sorry I am being honest with you.

    Answer by twinkletoes0408 at 8:00 PM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • I am disgusted that anyone would come on a public forum and discuss their step daughter's weight. It sounds like you need to grow up and learn some manners. I agree with the other posters-I don't think her mother and father are doing too much for her and it sounds like your husband enjoys spending time with her. If it is a problem for you then you should address it with your husband but you might not want to say anything about her weight to her father or your "too hot to be a granny" self might be looking for a new husband.

    Answer by AshleyBishop06 at 8:05 PM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • POSTER ***

    yeah , and if I came right out and said yes this is my grandchild then I would probably get bashed for that too because the real grandmother is the real grandma !

    I am not jealous there is nothing to be jealous of , my husband and I have been happily married for 3 years, we have a big beautiful house, we have nice things, we have went on many romantic vacations, and now it is like our perfect life has to be put on hold for his teenage daughter who decided to get married and then get pregnant when she was 18 year old ! I am a very bubbly person and I have tried to be nice to her like I mentioned... Why should I have to not be happy because she made bad choices ??

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:05 PM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • She is married and her husband is deployed-many people might say that she is a little young to be married but I wouldn't call that making "bad choices" And for someone who isn't jealous you sound kind of bitter about her cramping your lush lifestyle.

    Answer by AshleyBishop06 at 8:11 PM on Nov. 12, 2010

  • How could that happen if you are posting anonymously? There are probably other people in the same boat. There is a war going on!
    Let me ask you this....when you chose to marry a man who had a child, didn't you think of the scenarios surrounding fatherhood or parenting? If you keep this up you will put a huge strain on your marriage. This is your husband's child and grandchild. You can't possibly compete with this.

    Answer by twinkletoes0408 at 8:16 PM on Nov. 12, 2010

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