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Caught your husband pleasing himself to porn! How did it make you feel?

How did you feel when you caught your husband behind your back watching & pleasuring himself to porn. While you were right there in his bed? To me it is more than the porn. It is the broken trust. The betrayal. The mental effect. The visions left in my mind. The other women he has brought into our relationship mentally. It sickens me. The visions I see make me want to die inside. They have made me hollow. Am I over reacting? Has anyone else felt these feelings? Do you get over it, or are those other women going to always stay in your mind?

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:13 AM on Nov. 3, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (31)
  • I would be disgusted, especially being in bed when he did it.

    Answer by imanixon2 at 9:14 AM on Nov. 3, 2008

  • at least all hes doing is beating off, and not out f***ing another woman. It wouldnt and doesnt bother me when my husband gets off to porn because I cant always give him what he needs and him watching porn and getting off is better to me than him going out and getting some strange I think your making too big a deal about but if it bothers you that much talk to him about it. he may not know that it bothers you

    Answer by elananme at 9:17 AM on Nov. 3, 2008

  • Here's the way I see it.

    Guys can watch porn without regret because they don't attach emotions to the people they're watching. We're all visual creatures, but men thrive on that visual stimulation much more than us women do. They watch porn because they like the visuals of it. They're not looking at the women going "Wow OMG I want to screw her because her eyes are so pretty and she would make a great housewife." They're looking at them because "Wow OMG her boobies are big."

    Just because he watched it doesn't mean he wants to cheat on you, it doesn't mean he thinks you're ugly, and he's not a bad person because he was fulfilling a primal need that ALL men have whether we want to admit it or not.


    Answer by caitxrawks at 9:22 AM on Nov. 3, 2008

  • He SHOULD have told you that he watches it though. I think a lot of men are embarrassed to admit they do because they know how most women react to it. As long as he's not obsessively watching it to the point of it becoming an addiction (yes there is porn addiction and it is a diesease), he'll be fine as long as he's open with you about it. If you tell him how much you dislike it and how much it hurt you, he might just stop doing it and start masturbating in the shower only (because whether we like it or not, guys are going to masturbate!).

    (*sigh* continued)

    Answer by caitxrawks at 9:26 AM on Nov. 3, 2008

  • Just remember. He loves YOU. He doesn't love those girls that are paid to have sex on camera. They're just objects to him, they don't have names or personalities and they fulfill nothing more than a basic primal urge that all men have. Also, YOU will always be more important to him than those girls, because YOU are the person he gets to have sex with in real life. And to a man, a real live in the flesh woman is much more important than someone on a computer screen =]

    Answer by caitxrawks at 9:26 AM on Nov. 3, 2008

  • I would let him catch me to lol an see how he likes it ,,,he wont like it

    Answer by fearful5 at 9:27 AM on Nov. 3, 2008

  • Also if he wanted to together I wouldnt have a problem.I have ask he dont want any part of it

    Answer by fearful5 at 9:28 AM on Nov. 3, 2008

  • To me it is the fact that he broke the circle of trust. He knew that I didn't care for nudity. He supposedly out of respect for me stopped watching rated R movies. I know I thought it was ridiculous too. But hell I thought damn he loves me that much. Boy was I duked! It is the fact that he didn't have time for me because he had to get to bed at 8 PM because he had to get up early at 3 in the AM. Not because he had to go to work at that time but because his body was trained to get up and beat off to porn every morning. While I laid right there in his bed. It is the fact that when his mother passed away 3 weeks ago. Instead of coming to his wife for the release he needed he went to porn. It goes way deeper than the porn. You just have to know my husband. I really didn't think he was capable of something like this.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:35 AM on Nov. 3, 2008

  • My ex husband was completely addicted to porn.... a real addiction, as in, we ended up getting divorced partly over it due to his skewed view of what a woman does in the bedroom, also his constant need and lies for it. That being said, he was an extreme case. I think most men look at it every once in a while and if you express how you feel about it (acceptable or unacceptable) you can come to an agreement. I disagree that men need it because you can't give him what he needs. Do men have a natural desire to look at boobies? Sure. Can they control that desire? I'm pretty sure they can, especially if they upset their s/o over it. Talk to him in a calm manner and really listen to what he says about it too.

    Answer by KnoxvilleDoula at 9:38 AM on Nov. 3, 2008

  • I would be pissed!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:48 AM on Nov. 3, 2008

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