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How should I get my feelings across to a guy that is suppose to be just "friends with benefits"? adult content

Last month my best friend set me up with a friend of hers who was recently single, neither of us was looking for a relationship and agreed to "friends with benefits" but after meeting we agreed that there could be something more but decided to go slow on an emotional level since it's always emotions that screws up my relationships, not sex, but he calls me a few times a day, is one of the sweetest guys I've ever met, we enjoy spending time together and he claims he likes me for me and likes me even more every time we see eachother. He even admitted that he got jealous a few weeks ago when I had told him my ex-husband was stopping by (because he couldn't stand being around his girlfriend) and tonight he told me this other chick wants a "friends with benefits" relationship too and it hurt to hear that he was interested even though we already agreed we could see other people. (continued below)


Asked by Anonymous at 1:35 AM on Nov. 13, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • I sounds to me you both want to be with one another but you more then him is scared to death that you will get hurt and he will leave your heart chillin on the shelf. I was told by a really special person to me that you have to go though many heart aches to find the real person that you are meant to be with. Keep in mind that no one has ever died from getting there heart broken. Do you know for sure that there really is a women that wants to have what you have with him (FWB) could he just be saying this to see tour reaction? If your in an open relationship then this is what they are all about. If you really have feelings about this guy then you may really want to both sit down and talk about these feelings and see if you may want to take it to the next level. If you just want to keep things where they are at right now then you need to deal with the fact that you two are in an open relationship, CONT


    Answer by raemommy at 3:49 AM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • If it was TRULY FWB, then you wouldn't be so worried about him meeting someone new. It sounds to me more like you guys are dating, but you haven't made it official. I think you need to make a decision, either make it official, or end it. If you continue as you are and he starts screwing around with this other woman, you're going to get hurt. If you're in a situation where you would be hurt by that, you've gone beyond FWB. Few FWB relationships truly work out without anyone getting emotional or hurt in the end.

    Answer by musicpisces at 1:45 AM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • He said he doesn't want to lose what we have and asked if I'd stop seeing him if he did sleep with this other girl, I told him I wasn't sure because I don't want to lose what I have with him either (the sex is amazing) and I enjoy being with him but I don't want to end up completely falling for him either if he's sleeping with someone else. I try telling myself to just enjoy the time when he's with me because that's really the only time he's mine. I know I shouldn't have to worry about him getting serious about this other girl since she is his boss's wife - but my ex cheated on me constantly so all my old insecurities are running on high gear now.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:38 AM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • Listen, I've been around the block a few times. Well, a lot of times. This guy has pulled off one of the oldest tricks in the book. Its called getting your cake and eating it too. See, he knew exactly what to tell you. They always do because they are good salemen. Salemen for sex. Yes, thats what this is all about. Sure the sex is good. Coz he knows his trade very well. The question is: Is this the kind of relationship you want? Of course he's going to tell you about others. He knows he has you hooked and you'll accept his affairs. If he was really interest in you, he'd never even thought of another woman. Think about it.... I know guys are trying to get a free meal, relationship, sex without the responsibilities that go along with it. They don't really have to invest themselves into it. If it gets boring, they move on. They always have one on the back burner, someone who is faithful. Is that you? I hope not. U deserve better!

    Answer by Prayerpartner at 3:05 AM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • Oh, I almost forgot. You said you wanted to be able to tell him how you feel. You want the truth? He doesn't care what you feel. If He did, He would have all of his attentions on you. He has no respect or honor for you. Believe me when I tell you, he will pull all the tricks of the trade out of the bag if he thinks you are good in bed. At least until he finds something better. But since he's already found someone else, he may be already getting bored. Now he may just be getting posessive if he says he's getting jelous. You'd be best to cut your losses on this one. Its not in him to be faithful ever. Plz trust me on this one. Having a wonderful relationship can happen because you are a part of it. You help make it wonderful. So take that with you and find someone you can build on that with... I hope this helps...

    Answer by Prayerpartner at 3:10 AM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • CONT What he does when you two are not together is his own business and the same goes for him with you. I think that you all need to lay your feelings out on the table and have a talk about this cause it sounds to me you both have feelings invovled and someone or both of you are gonna get hurt. GL

    Sorry for the LONG answer.

    Answer by raemommy at 3:54 AM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • Hmmm... Very few women can handle the " Friends With Benefits " thing. It seems that women are far to likely to become emotionally involved in a relationship, no matter how casual it starts out being. So,---I've never done the " Friends With Benefits" deal, although I've had plenty of offers. I think it's being miserly, not being willing to share his feelings, for a man to ask a woman to do this. IT MAKES ME MAD ! ( Yes,---no matter how sweet the guy seems... ) I WOULD TELL HIM STRAIGHT UP that you are starting to have feelings for him....( I think he'll be quite flattered. ) Then, he can back out ---or not. If he backs out---he wasn't for you. If he's willing to perhaps be a boyfriend--- TERRIFIC !!!

    Answer by IndigoRose at 9:38 AM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • Open relationships can work if you let them.

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:22 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • I agree with PP. If you choose to have an open relationship you need to learn to work out your feelings..

    Answer by Luisa621 at 6:25 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

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