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2 Bumps

Wearing the shoe on the other foot

I just read this on an adoptee blog and wanted to share it.
It holds meaning and truth in an adoptees experience of adoption IMO.

Quote: '"If I tell someone I lost my mother when I was born their natural reply is one of sympathy for my loss. If I tell someone I was adopted the usual response is regarding how lucky I am. They are both the same thing."

 
adopteeme

Asked by adopteeme at 4:57 AM on Nov. 13, 2010 in Adoption

Level 16 (3,092 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • I find that it varies per day. Some days I focus on being lucky. Other days I think of how much I would have had in common with my birthmother. And wonder why she kept two children but not the other two.
    thelowlander

    Answer by thelowlander at 5:51 AM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • I absolutely lost a mother. It doesn't mean I did not have a good childhood or that I do not love my Adoptive Parents or have positive relationships. But yes, it absolutely was a loss. It is a shame when a child loses a mother, for whatever reason. Even if it is a mother who did not want to parent or was not capable of providing a safe environment (neither were the case with my First Mother), that child still experiences a loss. It is wonderful when adoption brings them a loving home and helps with the healing.

    I am uncomfortable with the word "lucky." When children receive basic human rights, like love, a home, food, education, and clothing, it is justice, not "luck." I would not want my child to feel lucky for being loved and care for. That's what parents do.
    NovemberLove

    Answer by NovemberLove at 9:51 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • Very thought provoking.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 5:42 AM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • "I am uncomfortable with the word "lucky." When children receive basic human rights, like love, a home, food, education, and clothing, it is justice, not "luck." I would not want my child to feel lucky for being loved and care for. That's what parents do. "

    I want to print THIS out and give a copy to everyone who croons about how lucky my daughter is. I know they mean well, but...it just rubs me the wrong way. She has gained a lot, but she has lost so much as well (a bio family, her country, her language, her ethnic majority, etc...) and we have gained everything.
    DEpley

    Answer by DEpley at 1:42 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • And I guess the moral of the story is neither one fits and is comfortable :(
    somedays, they always feel backwards and have me tripping over my own feet

    which one fits you? Lost your mother, or you're lucky?
    adopteeme

    Comment by adopteeme (original poster) at 5:04 AM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • Very interesting....b/c in one way people feel empathy for you - never meeting or knowing the woman who gave you life, never hearing her voice, never understanding what she was like or hearing her laugh. By saying adoption we forget the grief.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 6:41 AM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • I feel lucky!!! If my BD did not take me to be put up for adoption before his tour on a naval ship for 6 months I would have died in my mothers care
    coolchic320

    Answer by coolchic320 at 9:52 AM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • I lost my mother at 3 mo old. She abandon me to the care of my grandparents. She didnt die though. And I was never adopted by them. So seeing as I lost my mom & I was not adopted I guess I am not lucky in any way.
    lisa89j

    Answer by lisa89j at 4:51 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • This is very much a personal matter. While some might feel loss, others might be lucky. And for others still, it's a combination of the two. No two situations are exactly the same, no two people are exactly the same. One person's experience with adoption is NOT another person's experience.
    justnancyb

    Answer by justnancyb at 6:55 PM on Nov. 21, 2010

Next question in Adoption
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