Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

do you make empty threats?

to your children? my DF and his ex do to SD, who is almost 12.... she is getting d's in all her classes, back talks and wears tooooo tight clothes and way too much makeup... but never gets [punishment, just empty threats.. to take away her phone or ground her. there isnt a lot her dad can do, since we only see her EOW, but its getting to the point now where when she is here shes spending most of her time in the corner or beign yelled at for her mouth... sooo back to subjuect....

Answer Question
 
2boysmommy.js

Asked by 2boysmommy.js at 9:08 AM on Nov. 13, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 17 (3,365 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • I don't.
    if I tell you once thats it, but I don't have step-kids which Im sure is harder.good luck
    raisingmen

    Answer by raisingmen at 9:13 AM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • I have and i am trying to fix that issue. Its pointless. my kids have leaned what I say as far as punishment does not matter, I am also trying to take a minute b4 I say NO, cause sometimes I say no to fast then think That should have been a yes,
    kileighsmommie

    Answer by kileighsmommie at 9:13 AM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • I'VE NEVER MADE EMPTY THREATS---OR PROMISES. I never have to say the words : " I promise... ". because everything I say is a promise,---whether for good or bad.
    IndigoRose

    Answer by IndigoRose at 9:16 AM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • IMO, she's too old to stand in a corner. Kids need follow thru & consistent age appropriate discipline at both homes. I know it's hard when you only see them eow. You feel like you dont want to spend what little time you have together having arguments & doling out punishments. But this girl is in desperate need of guidance, or she will fall down the slippery slope that will take a long time get out of. She needs to lose all privledges until she brings up her grades. She needs to dress more appropriately, not like a hoochy mama. Even if she's not sexually active, the way she dresses, & does her make up sends a signal, and she may get a reputation for herself based on those things. Unfair? Yes, but it still happens. All parental figures involved in this girl's life need to present a united front. And she needs to know that it's out of your love for her. Good luck
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 9:16 AM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • but what is an age apr. punishment for her at our house? we dont let her wear makeup and she has special clothes that we keep here for her... her mother wont listen to what we try and tell her, that this behavior is the lead in to other bad things... she says its just a phase.. but ive been in her life for almost 6 years.. ive seen the downward spiral i know where shes heading from experience.. ive never had a really close relationship with her.. so she wont listen to me..
    2boysmommy.js

    Comment by 2boysmommy.js (original poster) at 9:27 AM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • You both need to spend one on one time with her. Do some things that she likes or you think she will like. Go on some day trips to a museum, movie, bowling, a hike, etc. Don't let her tell you no. Don't ask if she would like to do it...........tell her you are all going to do it.


    Have rules in your home that she can not break without real consequences. Every child has their "currency" which is the thing that is most important to them. If it is her phone, for example, tell her the phone will be taken away for part of the day. And then do it if needed. Do not say a punishment that you really will not do. That's how they learn they can walk all over you.  GL hug

    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 10:23 AM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • ALL parents need to get together and set rules and consequences that will be followed at BOTH homes. She needs stability and consistency. If it takes FAMILY counseling to do so, then get into counseling. She is too old to sit in the corner. Take away priveleges when she doesn't listen, also understand that her snotty mouth is part of being a teenager and going through puberty. It doesn't mean she gets away with it but it is part of her development. As for the clothes and makeup, don't let her wear it at your house, not much you can do when she is at her mothers.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 11:17 AM on Nov. 13, 2010

  •   I have to say that is one of my biggest things. I know it just teaches the kids that i might not really mean what i say. So I say just try and stick to your word. It's hard.Very! But the more you work on it  the better you'll get at it. Me too. lol!

    Be101

    Answer by Be101 at 11:08 AM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • Empty threats makes kids powerful and manipulative.
    VienaMira

    Answer by VienaMira at 2:45 AM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • NO. I ALWAYS follow through.
    shabbypink123

    Answer by shabbypink123 at 1:36 PM on Nov. 24, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN