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3 Bumps

Dh treating me as a child

My husband never fails to correct me when I am wrong or done something wrong. Even silly stuff such as not logging off the computer. He was in the military for about 15 years. Is this just something that he has developed from there? It used to not bother me as bad. He has started doing it in front of the kids, that really irritates me. I have talked to him about it, he says he will stop. That hasn't happened yet. Any suggestions?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:58 AM on Nov. 13, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • My hubby is in the Army. I was going to say that has nothing to do with it, but it might. He used to come home and start talking to me like I was one of his soldiers. I would promptly tell him that I am NOT his damn soldier, and to NOT talk to me like that. Among other things. He stopped. You can either be extremely firm, and tell him as soon as he opens his mouth to knock it off, or you can start doing it back to him. But, you should get it through to him that he is demeaning you, and now in front of your kids. And this is no good. That's not how a man should treat his wife, and if he expects your respect, then you expect his.
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 1:21 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • It's probably because he is a stickler for details and it may be the result of his military training. What I would do is let him have his say and then politely thank him for his correcting me. That way, you won't be making a scene about it, but you will be reminding him that he just did it again. Try hard not to be sarcastic. We all have to take some criticism in life, so perhaps your children will learn early on how to take it as well as how to politely hand it out. We don't have the power to change other people, including husbands, so we have to make the best of these kinds of situations.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:02 AM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • Yes mine does the same thing saying stuff like you left the door open or you did not do and he does it in front of my kids lately i have been telling him i am an adult or hey i know i would start to say things like that or thanks for reminding me
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 10:03 AM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • I'm VERY sensitive about this because I was emotionally abused by my ex-husband too. Doing the constant criticizing in public and in front of your children robs you of your spirit... It's verbal abuse,---plain & simple. It's putting you in your place as a subservient being---DO YOU LIKE THAT ? No,---of course not... It's demeaning and cruel. I hate to say this,---BUT, yes... His being in the military could have affected his personality to do this... Don't put up with it ! Speak to him calmly, telling him it upsets you and that you insist that he treats you with respect. If he doesn't change... I'd get out... LEAVE HIM. I left my abusive husband 14 years ago. It was one of the smartest things I ever did. ( And,---yes I had children too. )
    IndigoRose

    Answer by IndigoRose at 10:09 AM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • my SO was the same way before i left him.. then eh realized oh shit what ahve i done... things still arent perfect, with him its more teh tone of his voice when he talks to me.. but they are getting better. i packed up all our stiff and headed to my moms for 2 weeks....
    2boysmommy.js

    Answer by 2boysmommy.js at 10:19 AM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • When he corrects you in front of others chime in and state.."Excuse me but you are not my father so stop talking to me that way" worked for me...My DH has OCD really really bad and it is hard to deal with but every once in awhile he slips and tries to correct me in front of the children I just state the above and he stops. Its always worth a try.

    4_28_bbboy

    Answer by 4_28_bbboy at 11:13 AM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • Thanks bbboy I will try that.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:38 AM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • Not sure I'd do that bbboy. I can hear the kids now imitating his words to the teacher or another adult sincerely trying to correct the child. I'd just say "thank you Dear" in front of the children then when alone I'd tell him to stop. My SO is military as well and he's very observant. He does the same thing. They mean no harm but talk to him without the kids around. I wouldn't correct him in front of them bc you'd be doing the same thing he's doing, repeating the same bad behavior. That would be confusing to the kids
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:48 AM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • btw, that Thank You Dear would be a big flag to him if you don't talk to him that way. It's great for Behavior Modification (getting him to stop acting in a certain way). It would only take a few times of saying that for him to catch on
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:50 AM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • pray to keep your joy and sanity and to keep love flowing inside the marriage because he has insecurities and that is a way it manifest at times. So you should always let him know through words or affection that you love him despite that annoying flaw and he will eventually change and it wouldn't be you trying to change him but him desiring to change so to not hurt you and cause you pain. Trust me it works. My husband got the point Amen.
    Tylee7

    Answer by Tylee7 at 12:06 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

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