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4 Bumps

12 year old daughter angry and hatefull after divorce.

I divorced my husband after 9 years. Together we have a 5 year old, and my ex has always been my 12 year olds dad, as well.
When all this started my ex and I had agreed upon me taking a weekend of to just think and dedcide what to do with our marriage and my life. When I left for that weekend, my ex took the oportunity to cry and talk about me (not good things) in front of our children. This has just continued after I decided that divorce was the best thing (NOT an easy desition)
My 12 year old now hates me so much that she does not want to see mee, talk to me, or be near me. She is currently staying with my e, and he is continuing being less than nice about me.
She does come and stay with me every other weekend, under protest. I try to make our together time as pleasant as possible, but she is rude, nasty and angry all the time.
I have never said a bad word about my ex to her.
Any suggestions to what to do her?

Answer Question

Asked by Framnes at 1:23 PM on Nov. 13, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 2 (9 Credits)
Answers (4)
  • 12 year olds can be rude and nasty no matter what the situation, this just made her disposition worse. Be patient with her she will come back around.

    Answer by mom2priceboys at 2:12 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • You need to talk to your ex about not talking about each other. It is the worst thing to do in this situation and so wrong to turn the children against one of the parents.

    Keep doing positive things with your daughter and make the visits as pleasant as possible. If need be you might want to talk to a counselor with her. I wish you all the best.

    Answer by elizabr at 3:49 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • "You need to talk to your ex about not talking about each other. It is the worst thing to do in this situation and so wrong to turn the children against one of the parents. " -elizabr

    This, especially!! My ex and I have been divorced for over 5 years now. That was a rule as soon as we separated and set up separate homes. You don't talk about "the other mom" or "the other dad" at "the other house" unless it is a VERY serious and provable issue. For instance, MY sister is under a DO NOT CONTACT order from the court. It blankets me, my kids, and my new husband. She is a known drug dealer and has violated us in nearly every way possible, down to taking the kids' Christmas presents from under the tree, unwrapping them, and getting their stepmom to take her to Walmart to get cash back for them. I PURCHASED the presents in question and they never did get anymore in stock. I found out a couple weeks ago that their stepmom is (cont)

    Answer by NEMommaOf3 at 7:46 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • This is a difficult transition. And kids this age are hormonal little beasts to begin with! But be careful how far you go to make sure her visits are "as pleasant as possible". Children need parents. She still needs consistent rules, high expectations, guidance, and parenting.

    Answer by justnancyb at 9:54 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

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