Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

3 Bumps

Please dont judge me! But I really need advice!

My boyfriend of over a year returned from Iraq in September from his third deployment. We live an hour apart but before he deployed we used to always see each other very often. We even communicated a lot on the phone. So the distance was not an issue. Well since he has been back I have only seen him like once. He rarely calls and text me like a few times a week. He says he was diagnosed with Post traumatic stress disorder and was put in the mental hospital on base and was given prescription medication to take when he was released from the hospital. Anyways, he says things will get better he just needs some time to adjust. He doesnt talk to me at all about his feelings I feel so left out of everything. I am about to break up with him today because I may as well be single since I am always alone. What if its not PTSD and he just has another female.

Should I give this more time or have I given him enough time already

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:30 PM on Nov. 13, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (18)
  • I would give him the time he needs, but I certainly wouldn't sit home waiting on him. You should be out there dating and having a good time. It's not your fault, not your issue that he has problems. Get out there and mingle...if something comes up, go for it.

    Answer by m-avi at 1:32 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • I would try talking about the issue at hand with him first. Make sure he knows that you don't need to know details about what happened to him since that is what seems to be a big problem right now. Just let him know that you are there for him and that you missed him. He needs to know how lonely you feel. Unfortunately, you are the only one that really knows him that well and will know if he is lying or not. Best of luck!

    Answer by amberdawnbarr at 1:33 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • I would give him the time he needs and if in a certain amount of time he still like that I would def. breakup. GoodLuck

    Answer by mommyof2chasmin at 1:37 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • Oh, no. Do not date anyone else if he thinks he's the only guy!!!!!! Are you crazy???? If you want to see other people, end this relationship first. Don't dick him around. He's been deployed 3 times now. The damage is cumulative. You can bet your ass he's got PTSD. He could have another chic, but he for sure has PTSD. Go see him. Surprise him. Talk with him. If you are gonna end it, do it face to face. But do not date other guys and him at the same time. He will see it as you are cheating, unless he's open to an open relationship. Which, if you have had a serious one up till now, he's probably not gonna be.
    My hubby is still not the same. He got back right after Easter. He's never gonna be the same. It takes time to adjust. There is NO time limit. He can't tell you how much time he needs. But you need to talk about this stuff with him. BTW, where is he stationed?

    Answer by Raine2001 at 1:41 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • Sorry, I have to go agree with mavi on this one. You should never sit around and wait for someone to make up their minds about your relationship. Maybe he's not really interested anymore or maybe he does want to date others, but he's too afraid to tell you. You would have wasted all your time waiting for him to come around. NEVER do that for a guy. If he wants you, he knows where you are. Haven't ya'll ever read, "He's Just Not That Into You"?

    Answer by anony-mous at 1:48 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • Comming back from a war is difficult! Please consider giving him the time he is asking for...remember there are many individuals that come back from war that NEVER talk about what they went through because it was so awful for them...that may be what is going on with your guy ( I have an uncle that was in Nam and he NEVER talks about it....STILL!) I would give him the time but also tell him that you are around for him if he needs you...that may go farther than you think! If he is truely the guy for you it will all work out...patience is the name of the game here~

    Answer by rebeccadac at 1:53 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • Why the hell would you basically cheat on a soldier that just got back from a deployment, and has PTSD? How stupid can you be? If you wanna date others, then end the relationship. I didn't mean to just wait around, in fact, I SAID if you wanna date others to end it. But don't dick him around. I'm a soldiers wife. Do you know how many wives/girlfriends get beaten or murdered for them cheating? If you don't want to wait around for him to work through his issues, then break up with him. If you don't want to work through them with him, then break up with him. Hell, he could be the one, he could be a great guy, but you know....
    Look, you won't know if you don't talk with him. My hubby wouldn't talk with me when he first got back either. And we had been married for over 14 years.

    Answer by Raine2001 at 1:53 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • And, if he didn't want to be with you, he wouldn't have told you about being in the hospital, and being on the meds. They don't like having to admit those things. He asked for time to adjust. He said things will get better. If you aren't strong enough to do as I'm suggesting, then you aren't strong enough to be with a soldier. Think about it.
    Hell, I could be wrong. But you won't know if you d o n ' t g o t a l k w i t h h i m. Then let him be.

    Answer by Raine2001 at 1:59 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • Just be up front... Tell him you want to be there for him but he needs to be there for you too... is he the type to cheat?
    It sounds like he is going through alot... I would be patient but if you wanna date then do it

    Answer by June_Mama09 at 1:59 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • i think that raine2001 is right ...cuz i have ptsd and its for different reasons and it is hard to deal with and its good to know that when ur ready someone is there for if u can be supportive and be there for him ..if not just let him go..just always be honest....

    Answer by honesty33 at 2:43 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.