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should i feel this bad for playing fav. @ christmas with my nieces and nep.

ok so i am an only child so it has nothing to do with whos side of the family. it goes much deeper than that. i find myself at christmas and such doing more for one than the other three. b4 you judge hear the reasons. it is always easier to buy for smaller kids anyways. is whaat i tell most people. that is not it though. my husbands sis had her 3 kids and i love and spoiled them. them his bros wife lost all hers we even had funeral for 1. she will never be able to carry long enough to have a child. so i carried me niece for her. they dont have alot of money so my husband and i did this for them using adoption. so i just feel a closer bond to her. however i do feel so guilty over it. i have battled this for 2 and half years. i just dont know how to handle it. i dont want to hurt the others. i hid and give her extra. i dont feel bad for helping them to have a child. i would do that again without thought. but the holidays r hard.

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Asked by sttawardnas at 2:21 PM on Nov. 13, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 7 (181 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • First off, you are an amazing woman to do that for your sister. I'm not sure I would have the strength. Second, I can see where you are coming from. You have an extremely emotional bond with this little girl, my mom had the same with my oldest daughter. However, if there are favorites, you need to be more careful about showing it. As the kids get older, they will notice the favoritism and that will lead to nothing but hurt feelings.   Good luck with everything.


    Answer by krissyvelazquez at 2:30 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • thank you and for the older kids they do know about how this all happened. we talked to all of them b4 we did this. i wanted them to understand how their cousin was getting here and why. also wanted to make sure they all understood not to say hurtfull things to her as she got older. like your adopted. we want her to know that when the time is right and for it to come from the adults. i do try to hide it. they get around the same amount spent on them. but later i give her more when the others are not around. usually it says santa for example. but i still feel bad about it. but if i dont i feel just as bad. there is no hope.

    Comment by sttawardnas (original poster) at 2:42 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • I can understand how you feel but I would try to see it from the children's point of view and try not to show the favoritism. Or keep things very even at the holidays and maybe take her to lunch once in awhile, have a special day together, or something similar. Just ideas..... I wish you all the best.

    Answer by elizabr at 3:15 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • it is really hard because we are now over a thousand miles apart. but thanks the other kids really dont know about the extra. she is 2 and half and she thinks it comes from santa. i send all the gifts to my mother in law expect the extra ones that goes to her house from santa. but it is just me that has mixed feelings about it.

    Comment by sttawardnas (original poster) at 3:44 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • i agree with 1st post

    Answer by san78 at 4:51 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

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