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4 Bumps

What do I do? adult content

I have a 24 year old daughter. She is getting divorced for the third time. The first time, she was 19, second time 22. She is pregnant with for the 5th time. She has one child. The other three she aborted. What do I do? She is totally out of control, drinking, sleeping around, and using abortion as birth control (i'm pro-choice, but she is going to far). Her son is almost 3, and lives with her father most of the time. We're divorced. I am at my wits end as to what to do. I know she is an adult, but i still love my daughter, and I want to help her. Is there any way I can force her to get help, to go into rehab? Or should I just file for custody of her son, and the new baby, if she actually has it, and then wash my hands of her? Please don't bash, this is hard enough for me. Thank you for any advice.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:15 PM on Nov. 13, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (10)
  • most states dont give grandparents any rights so I dont know what your chances of that would be. Shes screwing her life up, thats her choice and she has to live with the consequences
    SabrenaLeigh

    Answer by SabrenaLeigh at 5:17 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • It sounds like you are going to try to enable her. She needs to learn to make her own decisions but I hear ya on the fact that it's affecting children. Can't you discuss getting her tubes tied. I'm not sure a Court would give you custody unless you prove she's harming her children. You can try but it's not an easy task taking a child from a mom even if she's not making good "mom" choices.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:18 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • She DOES need help ...maybe an intervention? Suggest she see a Doctor---a psychiatrist. Her life is such a mess, she can't be hapy! I mean, how could anyone be happy that way? Maybe she just needs a push in the right drection? If it were my daughter, I wouldn't be able to "wash my hands of her". Good luck.
    kerp1960

    Answer by kerp1960 at 5:23 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • Oh honey I feel your pain. It is so hard to sit back & see your adult child making mistakes, and not listening to our motherly advice. Most people believe in tough love & letting the natural consequences fall where they may. I say tough love is tougher on the concerned parents! Realistically, you cant force them to get counseling b/c they are considered adults. You can just keep offering your sound advice with the hope that our voice will be in their head somewhere! We can only hope & pray that with our continued love & support, that they will eventually see the error of their ways & turn their lives around. Trying to get custody may backfire, but being a positive adult in your grandchild's life is priceless. Good luck.
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 5:30 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • Certain states DO have what's called "Grandparents Rights" if grandparents go and file with the court for them.
    Wisconsin is one of them for example. Grandparents Rights only allow for visitations though..that's not what you need.
    Maybe your DD would be open to you just having the kids?
    Not filing for adoption (in case she should straighten her life out) mind you, but you being their Guardian until she can get her head on straight.
    Missikat75

    Answer by Missikat75 at 5:49 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • First of all, I am so sorry you are going through this. Secondly, if your daughter is abusing alcohol, and pregnant or a mother, she can have her children taken away by protective services if they are contacted. Your daughter is making terrible mistakes and seems to have very poor judgment, but she is an addict. She needs help. However, you cannot make that decision for you. If you know for certain she is abusing alcohol or drugs, perhaps you could petition the court to take her child but is this something you want to do? May I ask if she was ever diagnosed with bipolar disorder? She sounds like she could have a problem. I would sit her down and tell her that under no circumstances will you enable her to put her unborn child at risk or the child she already has. Maybe plan an intervention and tell her if she doesn't go to rehab you will file for custody. Good luck. I hope it all works out.
    twinkletoes0408

    Answer by twinkletoes0408 at 7:24 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • if you need to yes get the kids but no never wash your hands of your doughter let her know that you love her and when she gets her self together you are here for her
    randten

    Answer by randten at 1:18 AM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • By every right, you have the right to be concerned, after all...this is your child...regardless as to how old she is, she's still your child...and you have the right to be concerned...tough love is something people sometime use to distance themselves from the real issues that are hurting someone else, thinking that if they ignore it and not know what's going on, they won't get hurt anymore ant the other person will get help..I say hogwash...Stand in her behind like white on rice if you have to, to get her to realize that she's making a lot of unecessary mistakes in her life they may cause her to lose her children. If you can, get the kids and raise them and pray that she'll eventually come to her senses...
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 5:42 PM on Nov. 16, 2010

  • it is time to move on mom she has had three marriages and 5 abortions and she is 24yrs this girl is not thinking and she not about to do it any time soon,as long as you are there to clean up the mess then she is going to keep doing it ,i would see lawyer and see if can get her child with her luck she will be glade to have him gone ,and move a way . she needs a good kick in the back side and grow up,when she does it will be to late
    dutchcanadain

    Answer by dutchcanadain at 9:52 PM on Nov. 16, 2010

  • (((HUGS)))) She sounds like a prodigal daughter. Keep praying. My heart goes out to you and your family. You are in my prayers.
    zboys

    Answer by zboys at 9:53 PM on Nov. 16, 2010

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