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I have a question about the best way to disagree with someone on here, without falling victim to the "feral pack mentality" I saw take place the other night.

I am a brand new member on here, and thought I'd really enjoy being a part of a site geared just for women. However, I was watching a post the other night very closely, obviously posted by a member who's been here awhile. Most appeared to agree with her, but there was one lady who didn't agree, and by the end of the post, the other women, led by the OP had mercilessly attacked her, to the point she apparently reached her breaking point, (we all have one of those, by the way), and just snapped, and began a tirade against the instigator, who had by then completely turned on the other lady, and was saying horrible things to her. I realize the other lady was as well, and as I said, I only followed it, never commented. The other lady was obviously a Christian (I went to her page), and was even being attacked by fellow Christians, who were telling her not to judge, yet doing the same thing to her.


Asked by Anonymous at 5:35 PM on Nov. 13, 2010 in About CafeMom

This question is closed.
Answers (22)
  • I am new here and I am not sure what debate your talking about, but I went into a question with an answer and was accused I was a hater of gay people, even though I clearly stated that I would feed or save them if they were drowning. I realized after watching the debate that the person that posted the question about gay marriage was closed minded along with several other people. I was voted down along with a few other ladies. I don't know if i was bashed or not, after my realization that question was not a debate but more of an attack I left and didn't return. I can debate and not attack. The art and beauty of debate is "agreeing to disagree". I pray I only find people that are women of respect and different views/religion. I can respect anyone that is comfortable in their own beliefs and doesn't have to prove anything they just live it.

    Answer by VGonzalez73 at 5:58 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • I will engage in a debate, but when it gets to the point where I, or anyone else, if being attacked, I just not return to that thread. i good debate is one thing, but a nasty one is something else entirely.

    Answer by layh41407 at 5:39 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • You simply have to learn to avoid the "drama" posts and hot button subjects or learn to ignore all the crap that comes with them. You can't really avoid it altogether, it's gonna happen... If you don't want to be a part of it, don't let yourself be sucked in...

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 5:40 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • I think I know what you are talking about. The one woman who went on a tirade says she is a Christian but she was very harsh and judgemental and narrow minded...and prejudiced, last night and ruined a freindship. It was a debacle...a spectacular mess. I don't see how a Christian who quotes the Bible and says she is a believer can be so against a whole segment of society and then ,by association,trash her friend.
    I am sorry that you had to see that when you are a newcomer here. It is usually not like that. I hope that kind of argument doesn't happen again here.

    Answer by kerp1960 at 5:41 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • I see people arguing (not debating) on here all the time, it's really quite simple to just stop posting on that particular question when it goes to far. Instead of completely leaving the site she could have just found a different question or website for a few hours. Everyone is entitled to their opinion but why you would want to agrue about it with someone you don't even know on the computer is beyond me.....

    Answer by skittles1108 at 5:49 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • I feel sad for the lady that was pushed to delete her sight. Noone should feel attacked or harrassed no matter what they believe. I hope she comes back.

    Answer by VGonzalez73 at 5:59 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • I get what ya mean op, but if you are a brand new member, how can you be anon already?


    Answer by Anonymous at 6:23 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • I think that the anonymity of talking online brings out the true feelings of people. That mixed with the fact that we are all women on here, many who are coming here as a stress relief (ie, we are stressed out in the first place) means that words are gonna get heated. So, I think if you are not careful about what groups you are in or what questions that you start answering/asking, you can get into a lot of drama. Some people can be downright vicious, but there is no way to know what they are going through in their own lives. I have thought of quitting CM many times after reading certain things, because some things have upset me for days. Find some groups that you like, pick out question topics that you know you are good with, and try not to get online if you are feeling angry about something! Haha!

    Answer by christinab313 at 6:31 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • lol- remember the time i asked a question and in the question i said homo and hetero
    man, i got jumped on for being a gay hater
    i had to state that i was just using abrevations, i also abbreviated hetero, and no one screamed heterosexual hater!
    i was just abbreviating
    i found funny, everyone jumped on the YOU HATE HOMO band wagon
    after i posted that i abbrev. hetero too, only ONE other mom read that and said- oh, you did abbrev. both words, maybe this gay hater stuff is unwarrented

    do not remember the question now, but i know it never got answered, sometimes a question has feet of its own and it is not the path of the orginal question

    Answer by fiatpax at 7:13 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • So, my question is, how wrong is it for ladies who claim to be Christians to jump into a feral pack, and attack another Christian, while all the while, telling the instigator she is in the right? How can they tell the Christian lady she's judging, when they are doing the same thing,and worse. I know the 2nd lady left CM ( I went to send her a message, and it said she was no longer a member), and I just think it's pretty pathetic that women can't disagree without being completely run off a site.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:37 PM on Nov. 13, 2010