Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

My son is refusing to visit with his father. We are seperated and have been for several months, my son occassionally visits but generally doesn't like going. However I am now making him and he is proceeding to throw an unreasonable fit. And advice on the issue is appreciated.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 6:35 PM on Nov. 13, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (8)
  • Find out WHY he doesn't want to go and then you can go from there. Maybe make it for a shorter period of time and work your way up to longer?? Did something happen last time he was there, it just seems unusual for a boy that age to not want to see his dad- good luck!!

    Answer by skittles1108 at 6:39 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • I would as skittles said find out why he doesn't want to go. If it's something little like he just doesnt like going then I would send him also. If it's something that is causing him some distress, if his father is reasonable then talk to him about it, maybe he can change something. If it is just because he rather be home then I think it's good he goes with his father. I know a lot of kids that choose mommy over daddy but the more they are consistent they'll get used to it. Just make sure its nothing serious.

    Answer by Jenaiko01 at 6:45 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • I think it depends on the age of the child. If the child is 14 or 15 and doesn't want to go, it's one thing, but if the child if 5 or 6, it's different.
    Does the child say why he doesn't want to go? what is your attitude about the situation? How does he behave once he gets to his fathers?
    If he doesn't tell you why he doesn't want to go, it hard. Maybe see if he will talk to another trusted person. If he thinks you don't want him to go, he may not want to go either. If he is fine once he gets there, he could be trying to show his loyalty to you.
    There are so many things that could be going on. This is a very confusing time for him.

    Answer by layh41407 at 6:46 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • I wouldnt make him. I would find out why and try to deal with the situation. I have nephews who were made to go to their dad's and they resent him now that they are teenagers.
    if my husband and I seperated neither one of us would make the child see us but that is my opinion.

    Answer by mandynjohnsmom at 6:50 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • I'm overprotective of my child, so if he is really not into going to his fathers, I would not send him until I knew exactly why he doesn't want to go. All kinds of crazy thoughts would be going through my head and I would want to get to the bottom of it to make sure my child was safe. I would rather sacrafice my time and busy schedule to ensure my child was safe than to risk my child being harmed somehow. Not saying that he is being harmed by his father, and maybe he doesn't want to go because he would rather be with you, but you can never be too sure.

    Answer by BrandyBaby22 at 6:52 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • hmm maybe something is going on over there that he is scared to talk about or maybe its his way of showing his pain of you and his dad not being togehter

    Answer by shelly2226 at 6:56 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • Thank you kindly for all of your replies. I had a long conversation with him on the way over to his fathers and it seems the problem was more about sleeping conditions and not feeling comfortable so I tried to accomodate him by offering to bring his television and some blankets and pillows. He had mentioned wanting to sleep on the floor instead of the love seat and if I could bring extra blankets and pillows then he would stay. So we worked things out.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:16 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • Kids are picky! Glad you worked it out!

    Answer by sunnyflower417 at 10:24 PM on Nov. 14, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.