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How to explain to my "born again christian" parents that we dont want to go to church...

For the last few months my parents have been going to a new church, they turned into people who constantly talk about God, which is ok but when they constantly say that bad stuff happens to us is because we dont go to church ( I really believe in God, but we just dont go to church) ..... It is constant to everytime we see them, talk to them or text them we get a lecture about going to church...

We have went to 3 church times with them ( a cookout, a baptism, and a night service) and we just do not like it ... Now my dad talked my daughter into going so she can be in a Christmas play and we are going in the morning again, but I just cant take it anymore, how can I tell them I dont have to go to their church to believe in God.

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Asked by Anonymous at 8:52 PM on Nov. 13, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • Honesty is ALWAYS the best policy! Hard but true! Just tell them up front how you feel and why, they aren't going to like it, but they don't have to. And yes, it's going to cause some waves, but in the end, it's better to be honest and happy than try and force yourself to live a lie for someone else or to try and come up with reasons all the time... Just spit it out and get it over with...

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 8:54 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • Basically sit them down, tell them you love them and respect them BUT lecturing you about church is not going to make you want to go and that you would like them to stop talking to you about wishes to you.....

    Answer by Anna92464 at 8:55 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • Just tell them what you just said. "I don't need to go to church to believe in God." Just let them know Church is to fellowship with other christians but you don't have to do it in a building. I fellowship in my Christian group right here on CM. I don't have to go to church to do that. You can pray to God anywhere so there is no reason to go to church for that. When it comes to studing the bible well you can do that at home too. Just remind them of those things.

    Oh I re read your question, do you go to church, don't want to go to their church or do you just don't want to go to a church.

    Answer by 1Giovanni at 8:56 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • I get this from my parents too but it's because I live in a different state and I have yet to find a church I really like here.

    Are you saying you just don't want to go to church or just not -their- church? If you just don't want to go to their church, I'd suggest going church hopping to find a church that does fit you. Not every church is a one-size fits all. If you find a church and they still get on your case, then the discussion you need to have with them is a whole different question to answer.

    If you don't want to go to church at all, well, that's something you'll just have to say to them. I know my husband has issues with going to church because of the whole 'organized religion' aspect but I really think he just hasn't found a group of people he can think of as a family. Church is suppose to be uplifting, where people of the same faith can gather together and, well, uplift each other. I hope this helps some.

    Answer by Cenchan at 9:03 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • One of the reasons there are soooo many different churches is (amoung others) that different people have different Spiritual needs, so God calls us to the church that is right for us. If your parents are Christians, they should know this, and would probably not get upset if you tell them, their church is not for you.

    As for you not going to church at all, sounds alot like us, we have just now found one that might be it, after 9 yrs. of looking....some yrs. more than DO need a church home, but not just ANY home.

    Good Luck looking, and God bless

    Answer by Nynne at 9:25 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • I have the same problem, only I was raised as a 'born again christian'. After my divorce from a 'baptist preacher' (his decision) I realized that the way they believe is on the archaic side. So I had to explain to them why I stopped going to church and why I wear pants and not skirts/dresses, and why I listen to 'bad' music (anything other than classical or hymns with little or no instrumental accompaniment. I told them that it wasn't their fault that I decided to do these things, and that this is just how I feel. I told them that god gave me free will, and I choose to worship him in non-traditional ways.

    Answer by unicornnymph22 at 10:13 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • im in a similar situation...more times than not i just politely tell my parents to back off and let me live my life. sometimes i turn it around on them and ask why they think that attending church makes someone a better christian when every church is filled with some very unchristian like people. lately i've told them that i will start attending just as soon as i can find a church that is not full of close minded snobby people who judge me for having a child out of wedlock at age 16, having a biracial child out of wedlock by a different man at 25, for living with my SO out of wedlock, for being in an interracial relationship, and dozens of other "bad" things. we live in the bible belt and most of the worst people i know spew hatred in the name of god...i have no interest in socializing with them more than absolutly necessary. in addition, i have a real problem with organized religion in general.

    Answer by LoriaAnn at 10:24 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • Just sit them down and you might have to be a lil bit "firm" about it, just tell them "look, I'm grown and can make my own decisions and I've decided that church just simply is not for me"

    I personally am very spiritual but HATE going to church. It's always full of people who do bad things all week and then come say "sorry God I'll be good" and then start right back into bad behavior monday morning.
    Besides I'm pretty sure God Appreciates me spending time enjoying nature with my family on Sundays more than he would if I went and put a few bucks in a collection tray.

    Answer by AprylnAtticus at 11:02 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

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