Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

12 year old w/bad attitude and disrespectful to everyone

I have a 12 year old daughter who is extremely disrespectful and has a horrible attitude. It's to the point I can't hardly go anywhere with her or be around anyone because she's so horrible to people. She has ADHD but she makes excellent grades in school. She's very intelligent but her attitude makes people not want to be around her. She refuses to be told "NO" on any account, whether it be something she wants or something she wants to do. If we go to a store and she wants something and is told no, she stomps off like a 2 year old and pouts for hours. I find myself in a bind with the whole taking away their possessions thing because she doesn't have a cell phone or computer. She doesn't have these things because of her attitude, so there is nothing to really take away from her. She laughs and thinks everything is a joke when you try to correct her or punish her bad behavior. She also loves to bully her 10 year old sister.

Answer Question

Asked by lorig2010 at 9:38 PM on Nov. 13, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 5 (99 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • Punish the disrespect, punish the poor attitude, punish the bullying, punish ALL of the poor behaviors. Reinforce her good behaviors by praising her and offering her the opportunity to earn some privileges (which then also gives you the opportunity to take away those same privileges when she shows the poor behaviors again).
    I totally agree, this kind of behavior does make it so no one wants to be around the child. And that's just fine. If she acts out in a way that isn't good for the family, send her from the activity/from the dinner table/from whatever it is that's happening. She'll be the one to miss out, just as she's likely the one missing out on friendships - other kids don't like these behaviors either. Her life will be better when she gets these behaviors under control.

    Answer by justnancyb at 9:48 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • I asked my sweetie this question - he helped me raise 3 children and was my life saver :-). He said you give items to her but she can't use them for say a month for punishment. Two and a half men had a similar situation- Jake was acting out and Charlie took Jake out made comments like "we haven't been getting along, etc so I want to get you something and bought him a wee and all kind of goods to go with it and then said you can't have this for a month because of your behavior and let him earn it from there. I vote to go get her a cell phone 1st. Let her get all excited, pick it out, bring it home then forbid her to have it until she shapes up. :-) This is normal behavior for kids this age, you just have to stay one step in front of them and learn to relax- as my brother who raised 4 girls said- you have to learn to laugh at it all. Keep smiling through it all. It wil help you keep the power. Hugs!!

    Answer by LeJane at 9:59 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • DEMAND the respect or she loses EVERYTHING but her bed. I would even take her clothes away and give her clean clothes every night aftet her shower. That means YOU pick out what she wears everyday. As far as bullying her little sister, teach her to stand up to her older sister. Your older daughter has NO right to bully her sister. Children need to be taught respect from the beginning, not when they turn into a teenager.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:05 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • Thanks for the comment. It is tough seeing your own child being that person that others hate to see coming. Just today we were out with my mother and her and my mother are going at each other while driving down the road. My mother is old fashioned and sometimes has that "children should be seen and not heard" mentality. She engages in my daughters bad behavior which makes things worse on every level and then somehow it all ends up my fault, I'm not doing my job as a parent to control her. My daughter has always been loud and opinionated since birth, she came out screaming and hasn't stop for a second. The thing that really gets me is, she has always been an excellent student. When you talk to her teachers at school they just sing her praises and I don't get it. She likes school but has it out for the rest of the world? She doesn't have a bad home life, she's never went without anything she needed, I just don't get it.

    Comment by lorig2010 (original poster) at 10:07 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • As far as the bullying goes. I have tried and tried to get my 10 year old to stand up to her. That's another issue in itself. She just won't defend herself to my 12 year old, but she will if it's anyone else. I keep telling my 12 year old, one of these days her sister is gonna have enough of her crap and she's gonna let loose on her and let her have it.

    Comment by lorig2010 (original poster) at 10:14 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • LeJane- that is an excellent idea, I just may try that.

    Comment by lorig2010 (original poster) at 10:17 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • Whatever happened to good old fashioned discipline??

    Answer by shabbypink123 at 1:34 PM on Nov. 24, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.