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2 Bumps

What keeps us from not walking away

from relationships that we know aren't healthy, will never be healthy and are just sucking the life out of us? I'm with my cheating, liar, heavy drinking, verbally abusive husband for 20 years. I still love him but I don't know why.

 
ShouldHaveLeft

Asked by ShouldHaveLeft at 11:31 PM on Nov. 13, 2010 in Relationships

Level 23 (16,621 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • Loving a person and being in love with that person is two completely different things. My husband is absolutely wonderful and I'm the one that is under par in this relationship. We dated 6yrs first and now have been married almost 32 years. Some fantabulous and some not, we have 5 wonderful sons that keep our hearts warm and our minds light. We struggle from time to time about staying or going, which would be the better option. All I know is that if he were on his death bed I would be right there with him holding his hand and looking into his eyes with all the warmth we've shared throughout the years and I know he would be on my death bed too, holding my hand. So is this love? Or do we walk away? We both chose to stay and love each other to the best of our abilities. No matter what, when my last days are here I only need the 5 men in my life to kiss me before I leave. I believe this to be Love in its truest form.
    ArmyMom5sons

    Answer by ArmyMom5sons at 11:49 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • It can be alot of things. Fear of being alone, low self esteem, the thought that either we can't do any better or that life could be worse. Ect.
    2murphyboys

    Answer by 2murphyboys at 11:34 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • Because love is blind. I'm in that position. You keep hoping and wanting for that person to change. But it never happens if the dont think they need to change. That's why I'm finally walking away after 2 years of hell.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 11:36 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • i knw what you mean my hubby is a cheater liar verbal and emotionally abusive i think because we love them so much we hold on to the thought maybe on day he will change and the day will come that he realizes who really loves him and who has been there inspite of but we just have 2 LET GO AND LET GOD GOD CAN FIX ANYTHING IF YOU HAVE FAITH AND BELIEVE WE TRY TO DO IT ON OUR OWN BUT WE CANT WE NEED GOD TO FIX IT FOR US
    keedy603

    Answer by keedy603 at 11:43 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • .....something, something, something......for better or for worse, till death do us part....something......

    That and I really don't feel like the grass is greener on the other side per say. i feel that men are all the same. It's not nice i know. But I think men are hunters looking to fill their checklist. Dog,check. Truck, check. woman, check. house, check. you get it.....
    After the're not seeking you out, you're just old news. I think all guys have a flaw or two, just like we do. And it's a matter of which flaw do you want to deal with. Starting fresh, and figuring out all the 'skeletons in the closet" sounds pointless. As I think most women would be in the same boat for the most part. Maybe that's what happens to women who have 4+ divorces..... I don't know. Just my thoughts.
    thelowlander

    Answer by thelowlander at 4:35 AM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • Well, i've only been married 4 years, and my husband is worth being with, so I can't exactly related. But even with a relatively "good" marriage, I have had to learn to set boundaries and say, "I will not be treated that way." If there was one message I could give to my fellow women, it would be "Please stick up for yourself! Stick up for yourself because you deserve it, because your children need to see it, and because womanhood needs to be elevated!"
    Adelicious

    Answer by Adelicious at 11:52 PM on Nov. 13, 2010

  • A lot of it is due to fear. The fear of the unknown. In a way, you feel like you can't move on, yet you want to at the same time. Also, some people seem to think that they can't possibly do everything on their own. If you have faith that you can do it on your own, then you will be ready to do it. I hope things work out for you.
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:28 AM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • Ooooo been there, thankfully we weren't married, but it was 3.5 years of hell. Verbally abusive hell. I went into therapy to help me get over it and boy did that make the world of difference. I stayed because I didn't want to be alone. I thought I was better with him than without him. Thankfully he broke it off, I found out I was getting laid off, ended up looking for a job in my home state (3000 mi away from him) moved back, a year after Mommas Boy Jerk Face and I split, I met DH who helped me heal. People still are amazed taht I was with Jerk Face knowing what an abusive, mentally jerk wad he was. It is so hard to leave. SO hard. It hurts, it's terrifying as hell, but trust me, it's so wonderful once you're out. Good luck!
    TwoBrownDogs

    Answer by TwoBrownDogs at 12:41 AM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • FEAR of the unknown once you leave.
    rio_burb

    Answer by rio_burb at 5:38 PM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • One of my things is that I know that I deserve better than what I am getting (leaving and staying gone for hours getting drunk, coming in waking me up out of my sleep, arguing, fussing, fighting, constant crowd of friends at the house, not wanting to work, not helping around the house, just being plain lazy), but I do love him and we have a child together and I have been using that as my reason for being with him. His mama told me that when I finally got tired I would know and I have actually gotten tired and have begun packing all of his things to put him out so that i can move on and be happy. You just have to figure out what it is that is making you stay and then figure out what it is that you can to make that situation better and then you can go from there.
    dirtyswifey10

    Answer by dirtyswifey10 at 1:03 AM on Nov. 15, 2010

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