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Is it age appropriate or a problem when my 14 yr. step son behaves certain ways?

I moved into a new house along with my new husband and 14 yr. step son, along with my two other sons, ages 5 and 2. Side note I also have two older kids who are 14 and 15 who chose to live with their dad cause we moved a good distance from their friends. Anyway my stepson is in my face literally all the time. He will walk right up to me and stand nose to nose with me. When I try to push him back a little he just pushes forward. He is well aware of how I feel about personal space and laughs when I reach my limit. He can't keep his hands to himself with me & especially my 5 yr. he picks on him so much worse than I have ever seen any child do before. He is constantly flinching when my step son walks by now. When he does hurt my younger sons he is amused and laughs. He lived with his dad and grandparents for a while before I came in the picture and he was spoiled rotten. My other older two never act like this, and I feel confused.

Answer Question
Shannon B.

Asked by Shannon B. at 12:41 AM on Nov. 14, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 4 (34 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Asperger's Syndrome?

    Answer by adelinasmommy at 12:46 AM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • No, that behavior is not appropriate at any age. I would say that you and your husband need to sit down and set some limits with him regarding his behavior. And then set consequences for when he doesn't manage the limits, and follow through with the consequences. He sounds pretty angry, and is pushing your boundaries on purpose. Simply pushing him out of your space is obviously not need to have a discussion that results in set guidelines.

    Doesn't have anything to do with aspbergers.

    Answer by emilex at 12:52 AM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • That is so weird you said that, I literally just looked that up and was wondering the same thing myself. I feel it goes way beyond being a teenager. It is causing so much stress on my that my hair is falling out at clumps at times. This is no way for my little guys especially my 5yr. to grow up. I just don't know where to go to look for answers. I do have the totally support of my husband, we are a good team. Even his real mom who by the way has been in and out of his life for years agrees with me that there is a problem. I am just the only one who is trying to fix it, that is if it is at all possible.

    Comment by smbarr (original poster) at 12:52 AM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • Believe me we have set limits. He has been taken off of everything, tv, computer, phone, and even disconnected his cell phone. He never goes out with any of his friends, instead choosing to stay in and just tear my 5 yr. mentally down. Every now and then he behaves exactly the way I expect and I go out of my way to display that he is doing a great job. It only lasts a day or two. I was told by his father and mother that he always had a problem with keeping his hands to himself. He laughs whenever he is the cause of someone getting hurt, and it never occurs to him to ask if they are alright and to apologize. He is always asking what do you mean on the simplest of explanations.

    Comment by smbarr (original poster) at 12:58 AM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • Look, your step son is angry. He has a biological mother who has basically rejected him ("In and out of his life for years") and a dad who is not interested in fixing things ("I am just the only one who is trying to fix it"). Of course this isn't just teenage stuff! And it's not necessarily some kind of "disorder". He is really struggling, it sounds like to me. I would say you need to have a huge family meeting. You need to have a discussion with his dad and probably some type of counseling is in order. Divorce is very difficult for kids, whether we want to believe that or not. Rejection from your mother is very difficult for kids, whether we want to believe it or not. This needs some attention! Sounds like you and your husband might also benefit from counseling as well (to learn the best ways to approach your step son and help him through this difficult time while still setting appropriate boundaries and rules)

    Answer by emilex at 12:59 AM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • Thank you, I do agree with the counseling for all of us. I just hope that I takes to what ever we try, I am really worried about his abilities as a person and even more so worried about my 5yr. who is very naive and is slowly being molded by him, despite my best efforts.

    Comment by smbarr (original poster) at 1:07 AM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • He is testing boundaries. I would venture to say he thinks or it seems like he thinks you are a temporary. That your not a real parental figure. My guess. Just a guess.

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 10:20 AM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • Your husband needs to talk to him, no offense but he obviously has no respect for you, so you talking to him prob won't help. I don't want to scare you but if your younger son ever does get seriously hurt and has to go to the hospital and they find out what happened, they will prob say that your stepson can't live in the house with your children, so either they go or he does. I know that would be hard, so explain that to him, and let him know that since he is the prob, he will be the one to go. Maybe he needs some counsiling, it sounds like he may have some control issues that need to be adressed.

    Answer by JLS2388 at 10:49 AM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • NO, that is not normal behavior. He has serious boundary issues. Take him to a counselor to be evaluated and treated.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 9:36 PM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • Now this is a kid that has issues. If he is causing someone pain and thinking it's funny then he is a sociopath. If he doesn't care about what he says, or what kind of pain he causes someone that is a mental issue...he needs to be checked out and fast.

    Answer by Acid at 10:25 AM on Nov. 15, 2010

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