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5 Bumps

not really a question but need some advice

my husband doesn't see how deep in trouble we are with our finances. i really think that we are close to loosing our house & he is telling me don't talk like that. have faith. i'm being realistic & i can have faith things will be ok but that doesn't mean that in us being ok means we keep the house. he is so naive at times. i'm sick of his not looking or taking it all seriously. he asked his parents for money but not sure how mush stress he put into it. he won't look at the numbers. he doesn't understand a lot of it. i tell him were short by this much & that is without us not paying on some of the bills that can be carried unto next month but that buries us deeper. i can tap out our credit cards but thats not much as we don't have high limits as it is so wouldn't carry us very far. any advice on what to say or do to get him to realize how important this is, should i move back home, leave him with this all or what? advice please

 
melody77

Asked by melody77 at 12:54 AM on Nov. 14, 2010 in Relationships

Level 18 (5,435 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • I know what you mean "leave him with it" - but I tell you this.. if you leave your husband to 'fend for himself" in a financial crisis such as this, you may lose him forever. And yes, financial advisors do cost money - many times a very large chunk. It's time to sell, sell, sell - every piece of extra anything you don't need and by need I mean Gotta have for food or bathing. We had a time like this not so long ago, I sold my coffee tables, our computer, dining set, guest room furniture, half my dishes, all of my "extra' good clothes, golf clubs, video games, - you name it. I didn't "pawn" anything - I put ads on craigslist and local buy-sell-trade and sold every thing I could. When my husband came home and saw all of our stuff dwindling, THEN he panicked. THEN he took financial responsibility differently - and since then - he's changed a LOT when it comes to money. I raised about a thousand dollars in a week.
    ShelbyShareAlot

    Answer by ShelbyShareAlot at 1:19 AM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • My husband didn't understand our finances until I put him completely in control of them. Now that he has to stare at the numbers all the time and pay the bills, he budgets a lot better. And it has taken the stress off of me from having to explain the damn budget to him every time he over spent.
    Orionsgirl

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 1:05 AM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • "For better or worse" I wouldn't leave him... Maybe make an appointment with a financial advisor (male, so he doesn;t feel ganged up on). Good luck!
    isabellem

    Answer by isabellem at 1:00 AM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • Don't leave. Love is more important than money.
    BluDog

    Answer by BluDog at 1:02 AM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • Say something like "Look as you know by now I am really worried about our financial situation. You always tell me to have faith and trust you and that irritates me b/c it makes me feel like you aren't taking the situation seriously. When should do you expect things to get better, or at least start showing signs of improvement?" Say he says "Um a month etc" Then agree not to mention it again for 1 month. Hell, mark it on the calender, but secretly.
    adelinasmommy

    Answer by adelinasmommy at 1:04 AM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • To add to Shelby's above post I would start selling HIS stuff first...I think it would make a bigger impact for him to notice HIS stuff missing first for bills and I think he'd wise-up and face reality real fast!
    Missikat75

    Answer by Missikat75 at 5:36 AM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • i didn't mean like divorce him but leave him to figure this all out himself so that he can see what we are up against. i just can't deal with this on my own. also a financial adviser wouldn't be able to help us bring in more money in one wk. plsu don't they cost money. we not extravagant or wasteful with money. it's just that with him taking 4 days off really hurt his pay check and then the following wk he took off one day. he's a big baby when he gets sick. heck when i was a single mom i worked sick or almost dead i had to but not my hubby.
    melody77

    Comment by melody77 (original poster) at 1:06 AM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • just let him know that faith doesn't pay the bills.
    Lynnsae

    Answer by Lynnsae at 1:11 AM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • Maybe just print out a grid or a spreadsheet showing one column with all your monthly expenses. Another column with your income. Show him exactly how behind you are. Maybe he knows this already but is in denial (like a little kid hoping it just goes away and "fixes itself"). Do you have any suggestions of how to fix this? Can you cut back on expenses at all?
    kathyartist2007

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 8:14 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

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