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3 Bumps

How would you handle your teenage daughter getting caught having sex? TMI adult content

OH the horror! My sister called me today when she found out her 15 year old daughter had sex when she was staying at her Grandma's house. Thank goodness my niece is on birth control but I don't know if she used protection. My sister grounded her because she's not allowed to have boys over & she told her Grandma she WAS. So her Grandma allowed it without checking with my sister. Don't know the circumstances of how they did it. My niece went to her Grandma's because her Grandma's mother passed away and she wanted to be there for her. Actually her BF lives two streets over. So she lied about that. I'm trying to help, as asked by my sister. Our Mom freaked out on my sister and threw her up against the wall and threatened to beat her when she found out she'd been having sex. NOT cool. How much punishment is enough and what is over reacting? Tough decisions...

 
Mrs.B3

Asked by Mrs.B3 at 2:49 AM on Nov. 14, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 16 (3,196 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • I don't discourage sex during teen years, it's normal, always has been... If anything I find the idea of denial of ones natural urges to be unhealthy. I prefer instead to teach safety and the proper reasons to have sex. If my teen aged daughter chooses to have sex, because it's the right choice for her, and does it safely, I would not be upset. I would however do my best to make sure she has all the proper information and options which are best for them. My only other request is that their partners are over the age of consent because I simply don't want to see them facing charges over something that's as natural, normal and healthy as sex... I'm hoping not to have the type of relationship with my children where they feel they can't be honest with me about their activities, so hopefully I won't be "surprised" by the finding in the first place...
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 9:26 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • Wow that is tough... My mom caught my sister having sex for the first time on the living room floor at 15 or 16 and she went like briefly catatonic it was interesting but from my sister not unexpected. (my sister was troubled) . I guess all that can be said in this situation is that.. it happens to all parents eventually.. I mean we can't think our kids will be virgins for ever.. though I think my mom did on me.. I didn't lose the V card til I was 20. And I think that stung her more than finding my sister on the floor. I don't think your sister should make a big deal out of it.. While yes it is kinda young age... the fact is she cant take it back and pushing only makes it worse.. She should be more concerned if protection was used and if the boy was the same age.. if an age difference is severe enough then maybe she should consider talking to the boys parents or anyone that might need to intervene on the relationship..cops?
    Bribry

    Answer by Bribry at 4:57 AM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • Talk to her like an adult make sure protection was used if not go get proper tests done but keep in mind some things won't show up for a couple months make sure of the age difference for legal purposes and explain to her the importance of using protection birth control fails my son is a result of that so I would teach her about condoms as well and ensure she knows how to use them properly explain to her she made an adult decision and explain to her what a steady relationship is. And why she should wait before she does it again and tell her how sex can affect her plans for her future
    leag54

    Answer by leag54 at 5:34 AM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • I would not let her go stay with her grandma anymore. If my DD would have told me "you did it at my age" I probably would have slaped her for talking back (being a smart ass).
    No need to go tell the parents of the boy. They probably will not care.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 5:52 AM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • I'm torn on this one. Part of me feels that if you provide the birth control, you are giving her the green light to have sex regardless of what you think should happen. The other part feels that if you don't provide it, you are setting yourself up for her to become pregnant.

    Honestly, I don't think that there is much that your sis can do at this point. Punishment for the lying and going behind the back should be done but as for having sex...in this day and age, you really can't expect her not to be.

    And pulling the morality line is not valid in my book. Parents teach by example and experience. So some times kids have to learn from OUR mistakes which voids the 'do as I do' rulings.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 12:53 PM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • P. S. My niece played the card, "but you did it when you were my age." Which didn't go over too well with my sister. The way my niece talked was that she was too worried about school to do that, and every one thought she was very trust worthy. My sister doesn't know whether to tell the boy's parents, either. She feels like it may do more to make her daughter rebel if she over reacts.
    Mrs.B3

    Comment by Mrs.B3 (original poster) at 2:51 AM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • Well, your sister really can't take the moratlity line, since she did do it too. So what needs to happen is she needs to be informed about protection and what can happen. She needs to know that a boy is not gonna say "yeah there's a chance I could have an STD" because that will prevent him from getting laid, so she needs to use protection EVERY TIME. Also talk to her about her repuation, bout %75 of girls have sex in high school, but having sex with one too many people (which means 1 more then the person who is talking about you has had) you can get a bad rep and she will be in that school for another 3 years and if she gets a bad rep, that is all guys will want from her because no one will ever really have feeelings for the school whore. Also let her know that pregnancy can happen even when on bc and using a condom. And if she does get preg its like 1 in 100 that they will still be together when the child is grown.
    JLS2388

    Answer by JLS2388 at 10:43 AM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • I think I would be talking to her about save sex at this point. You can't stop her now. Where was grandma when she was having sex. I suppose a talk with grandma would be in order as well. Ask grandma if she felt that my DD need my permission to have a boy over than she needs to call me. If my DD told her it was ok to have a beer or smoke a cigarette would she have allowed it. I would definitely not allow my DD alone time with him as much as possible. I know you can't be with your kids 24/7 but I would make it almost next to impossible for them to even hold hands. If they are in the same house they have to be in sight at all times. If they want to go for a walk I would be walking with them. I had a psychiatrist ask me once if I could prevent my son from having sex, I had said no. He said then what are you trying to do. Might words to him was. I may not be able to prevent it 100% but doesn't mean I pay for a hooker for him. GL
    hodgkinrus6

    Answer by hodgkinrus6 at 9:28 AM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • Yeah, I think the shock of it all really shut all brain systems down for my sister. LOL. Even though she knows what happens as a teenager, she's talked to her daughter about pregnancy, STDs, boys lying, hormones, etc. She's a bright girl, and she seemed very focused on school. I haven't talked to my sister today to find out if it was protected or not. Thanks for the input ladies! Hard to believe my niece is old enough to even think about that!
    Mrs.B3

    Comment by Mrs.B3 (original poster) at 12:57 AM on Nov. 16, 2010