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5 Bumps

How would/did you handle it if your teenage daughter was caught having sex? TMI adult content

OH the horror! My sister called me today when she found out her 15 year old daughter had sex when she was staying at her Grandma's house. Thank goodness my niece is on birth control but I don't know if she used protection. My sister grounded her because she's not allowed to have boys over & she told her Grandma she WAS. So her Grandma allowed it without checking with my sister. Don't know the circumstances of how they did it. My niece went to her Grandma's because her Grandma's mother passed away and she wanted to be there for her. Actually her BF lives two streets over. So she lied about that. I'm trying to help, as asked by my sister. Our Mom freaked out on my sister and threw her up against the wall and threatened to beat her when she found out she'd been having sex. NOT cool. How much punishment is enough and what is over reacting? Tough decisions...


Asked by Mrs.B3 at 2:54 AM on Nov. 14, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 16 (3,196 Credits)
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Answers (11)
  • My daughter was 17 at the time, I was so angry, but felt more "let down" .... How could this happen to us.. We are a Christian Family... I mean we followed all the child raising rules/ handbook...LoL I thought I failed as a mother.. I thought I had taught her better/ to wait til she was married... * **We talked it over after we calmed down ***.. She was lectured and grounded from being alone with her boyfriend until she was 18... The door to her bedroom was taken down. (but later we put it back up) We explained she was entitled to make mistakes in her life, but she would also have to pay the consequences for her actions. We love our kids unconditionally!!! **But sometimes you have to help them see their mistakes..**

    Answer by LuLuMama_4Jesus at 6:47 AM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • I don't think there is ever a time when finding out our little ones are growing up and having sex. I think now is the time to talk to her and not punish. Believe me that just makes things worse. She is going though her first feelings of liking boys and no matter what she says they are new and she is scared. Best thing to do is be there for her and help her make good decisions instead of making her feel like she is evil. We ALL have had our first feelings to.

    Answer by starlit_kissez at 3:03 AM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • I don't think putting your hands on a 15 year old will do you much good. Why is she on BC? Because of sexual activity or another reason? At this point, you all know she is sexualy active. Hopefully someone has already talked to her about sex and what comes along with it, but if not her mother needs to talk to her and tell her! Obviously this should have been done long ago if it hasn't happened. But grounding her, yeah it will stop her for now, but you can't ground her forever! Just teach her to be safe and give her options, buy her condems if need be!

    Answer by ILoveCade at 3:09 AM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • Oh no, I wasn't implying your sister did, jus toward what you mother did! Sorry for the confusion! Her sneaking the boy in was obviously wrong. But it is good to know she has been talked to. That is what is important!

    Answer by ILoveCade at 4:01 AM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • I would be very mad at her that she lied. She lied to grandma that she can have boys over, she lied to her to have sex. Thats very bad.

    Answer by LittleBirdFly at 8:03 AM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • Consequences: Take her to the OB/GYN because she is now sexually active and needs her yearly test, including diseases. Take down the door to her bedroom, and take the computer out of her room (if she has one). Initiate a meeting with her boyfriend's parents--so you're all on the same page about how you're going to handle your children having sex. Give her/them the talk about condoms, and make them available--not because you're condoning sex at their young age, but because you don't want them to have a child or pass diseases. Put her on a very, very short leash by taking away driving priveleges and chaperone her everwhere until you've established she understands the implications of her actions...

    Answer by GoodyBrook at 10:29 AM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • OH no, I wasn't saying my sister was going to beat her daughter! I was just illustrating what OUR Mom did when she found out my sister was having sex. So we had a crazy ass Mom to deal with. My sister doesn't want to alienate her daughter. But yes, she has talked to her about sex and she's on birth control because she, like me, had heavy periods. It helps that. Also, when she got her Gardasil shot, she and my sister talked about it and even though she didn't think she needed BC for sexual reasons, she thought it was better safe than sorry. My niece is a very smart girl. My sister is just scared for her, because she knows how boys were when we were young!

    Comment by Mrs.B3 (original poster) at 3:12 AM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • The reason she is grounded is because of sneaking a boy over, no so much the having sex part. We all know it's gonna happen, but she has been a very trustworthy teenager up to this point.

    Comment by Mrs.B3 (original poster) at 3:14 AM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • Well I would guess she knows she is having sex why else would she be on the pill? My teen age daughter is having sex too. After the initial shock I was like you better be safe. I took her to the gyn and got her checked up on and made her make the decisions.
    I think your sister is right to be angry but heck throw her up against the wall? Make the kid want to find love some where else much?

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 9:56 AM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • ONCE AGAIN~ MY SISTER DID NOT THROW HER DAUGHTER UP AGAINST THE WALL. Please read what I posted. OUR MOTHER did that to my sister when she found out SHE had sex. I was illustrating the way NOT to handle it. Jeez. NO she didn't "know" she was having sex. The reason she got her on birth control is because she was old enough to have her period and have sexual feelings so my sister was being proactive at raising a teenage girl.

    Comment by Mrs.B3 (original poster) at 1:04 AM on Nov. 16, 2010