Can anyone tell me how visits with the bio family might be a detriment to the child? I can think of several: confusion, coparenting, boundary issues, concerns about negative influences, different values . . .
I am asking about visits, not open adoption. The APs can trade contact information and letters with the original mom without having visits. In other words, the child can know her heritage and the identity of her original parents, without visits.
We have not agreed to visits. We are trying to identify the pros and cons BEFORE we agree to anything.
Asked by Anonymous at 7:45 AM on Nov. 14, 2010 in Adoption
Answer by BisketLiss at 7:51 AM on Nov. 14, 2010
Answer by elizabr at 8:03 AM on Nov. 14, 2010
Other relatives asked me and my husband if we would adopt the baby of their pregnant teen. They wanted to be called the child's grandpa and grandma. My DH said no.....our parents would be the grandparents. We knew we just couldn't do it because the bio family would be way more involved than we were comfortable with. That is simply how we feel about it. It is different for everyone. I hope these comments were helpful in a small way. I wish you all the best.
Answer by elizabr at 8:06 AM on Nov. 14, 2010
I hear about confusion a lot. I don't get it. "I'm your mommy because I'm raising you, birth mom Alice is your birth mom because she gave birth to you." Why is that more confusing than "nana and pawpaw are your grandparents because they are daddy's parents, and grammy and grandad are your grandparents because they are your mommy's parents." ? OR "Step mom Jo is your step mom because daddy and I aren't married anymore and he married step mom Jo"?
Open adoption is not coparenting. Other relatives will have different values too, would you not let your children see your brother and SIL because they are atheists and let their kids stay up late and watch the simpsons?
The one drawback I can see is that at the end of the visit the adoptee might be very sad. Well my answer to that is more visits.
Answer by onethentwins at 11:20 AM on Nov. 14, 2010
Answer by NovemberLove at 12:16 PM on Nov. 14, 2010
Answer by NovemberLove at 12:19 PM on Nov. 14, 2010
Answer by NovemberLove at 12:28 PM on Nov. 14, 2010
Answer by hollyanne31 at 2:58 PM on Nov. 14, 2010
Answer by hollyanne31 at 3:01 PM on Nov. 14, 2010
Answer by onethentwins at 3:42 PM on Nov. 14, 2010