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9 year old girl that trys to be a boy???

Since about a year ago, my 9 yr old step daughter tries to openly dress, act and flat out be more masculine. She kissed a girl at her 9 yr olf b-day party and told her to act like she was a boy. (Dad had long talk with her) She walks manly (when she thinks about it) we're getting married and she picked out peter pan and armor for boys to wear down the aisle. She has a weird obsession with Elvis and Johnny Cash. She likes to sing, but will only sing man songs... She fell on her bike one time and hit the bar with her crotch and said " oh, my penis" and I said " honey you don't have a penis" she said I know and acted really embarrassed. I don't know how to help her. Any ideas?


Asked by dlwsbjmknox at 1:17 PM on Nov. 3, 2008 in Tweens (9-12)

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Answers (12)
  • Help her learn that she can be tough, and enjoy the "tough" things without abandoning herself or trying to make herself into something she is not. There are a lot of masculine influences in this girls life, she is responding to those social cues. Do not force girlie things on her, that's telling her she is somehow wrong or at fault for responding to the world around her. Give her opportunities to discover tough, awesome role models like Maya Angelou and athletes like Mia Hamm. Life can be tough, teach love and acceptance but set limits to prevent extreme behavior that a child often exhibits just for the sake of being different rather than displaying self.

    Answer by artC1s at 12:57 PM on Nov. 7, 2008

  • I try to get her to sing like cokby calait and pink and things like that. We don't let her dress in the boy clothes anymore and told her that if she would dress a little feminine that we would not make her wear dresses everyday. So then she cut out the wife beater and blue jeans and basketball shorts. Her mother is very butch and doesnt show her how to be girly... I make it a point to wear girly things and be girly... Anyone have similar problems?

    Answer by dlwsbjmknox at 1:19 PM on Nov. 3, 2008

  • she might just be a tom boy i was at that age and i grew out of it maybe she will either way im sure you and your soon to be husband love her no matter what right? i would just let he be and see how it goes good luck

    Answer by wendy232425 at 1:20 PM on Nov. 3, 2008

  • I was a tomboy too... I have 4 brothers and would try to pee to the man in the moon w/ them and my dad... etc... I played football... this is to an extreme!

    Answer by dlwsbjmknox at 1:23 PM on Nov. 3, 2008

  • well you can keep doing what you are doing i hate to say it and im trying to avoid it but maybe she really wants to be a boy and is going to be the other way when shes older theres nothing else i can say im not being rude or anything just giving you the facts and trying to help

    Answer by wendy232425 at 1:25 PM on Nov. 3, 2008

  • No, thats what I need... I'm not grossed out by it, but definitely want to give her a fighting chance, and if I can give her a chance at a normal life by doing something... anything to help her, I will. Transgenders go through a lot of ridicule and have a VERY hard life... I'm hoping it is a phase and I'm going to keep that as my verdict until she is older or I suspect otherwise. Answers like that is what I need... I won't get offended.

    Answer by dlwsbjmknox at 1:31 PM on Nov. 3, 2008

  • ok maybe its because her mom didnt really let her know what girlie is i know i dress my daughter as girlie as i can she will probaly hate me for it when shes older but i cant help it lol now if my daughter did the same i would probaly worry to but then again i was a tom boy to but i had a talk with my kids dad awhile back and told him if our kids told me they were gay i wouldnt treat them different i wouldnt want it around me but i would love them the same now im not saying she is but there is the possiblity she might become gay in the furture but i think your doing a good job at this just keep doing what you are and maybe she will grow out of it

    Answer by wendy232425 at 1:40 PM on Nov. 3, 2008

  • i know i mispelled alot of that but im not a good speller lol

    Answer by wendy232425 at 1:41 PM on Nov. 3, 2008

  • IDRK if this is the kind of answer you''re looking for but my 10 yr. old ds dances and acts like a girl at times. I mean he knows HOW TO DANCE (not like a girl I mean) and does, but there are also times when he plays w/ his sisiters dolls and wants "a pink one" of whatever. And although he's never done the things your dsd is doing or has done, it still had me thinking from time to time. I wouldn't worry too much about it. Like the others said, maybe it is just a phase she's going through because on the other hand, my 9 yr. old dd will play football w/ her brother and his friends and get down in the dirt so to speak just like them. But if it really concerns both of you, maybe find someone like maybe a school counselor for all three of you to talk to.

    Answer by LovingParent08 at 2:25 PM on Nov. 3, 2008

  • When you say her mother is very butch, does that mean she is in a same sex relationship?

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:26 PM on Nov. 3, 2008