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3 Bumps

Please listen!!!!!!!!

I'm havin difficulties with my 11 yr old son listening to us and to people at school,its like he doesn't care to obey us and just shrugs us off,so my questions is what are some logical consequences for failure to do what he's told to do? I'm also wondering what are some good love and logic strategies? He also been saying a lot of foul things lately and I would like that to disappear.

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MarGeee

Asked by MarGeee at 4:04 PM on Nov. 14, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 20 (9,059 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • It seems simple but talk to him. Take him with you to a restaurant, order dessert or lunch and tell him you brought him here to have a talk with him. Tell him you are concerned because his behavior and attitude has changed lately. Tell him you want him to be able to feel he can come to you if something's bothering him, no matter what it is. Tell him you went through things at his age and sometimes it felt like you didn't have anyone to turn to or talk about it with so you want things to be different for him. Tell him that as his mom you have to make sure he obeys you and your husband, but that you love him with all your heart and will stand with him and defend him no matter what against anyone. Tell him smutty talk isn't acceptable and then follow that by telling him why (it makes you seem trashy, it's not a good way to represent yourself etc) and then follow through with consistency with discipline, reminding him of your talk
    carol2m2

    Answer by carol2m2 at 4:10 PM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • Take away all toys and privileges right away. Then he earns them back with good behavior and listening.

    For the foul mouth, try a little vinegar or hot sauce. I know some people say soap, but I don't recommend putting soap or other chemicals into children's mouths. Some really hot sauce or nasty tasting straight vinegar will help deter him.

    Create a chore chart of things he needs to do every day and when he has done them all he earns extra tv or video game time or an allowance or something like that.
    frat_twin_mama

    Answer by frat_twin_mama at 4:10 PM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • Post a set of house rules. Give him points for doing what is on the chart. One, of course, would be no foul language. Tell him he is working towards a game or day trip.......something that he really would like. Then start from zero again , and another reward, once he accomplishes it.

    Each child has a "currency" which is the most important thing to him. Withhold that as punishment for not behaving. Give a clear warning that you will do this and follow through. Be consistent. JMO but there is no place for vinegar, hot sauce, soap or such things in a discipline philosophy.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 4:28 PM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • When my kids would curse or use bad language I always asked them if they knew what it meant. If they couldn't tell me outright I simply would ask them not to use the words since they had no place in the conversations. Kids pick up foul language from other kids unfortunately. My son went through a phase like that when he didn't care for the teacher he had in school which also affected his school work and his overall attitude toward everything at home as well.
    CafeMochaMom1

    Answer by CafeMochaMom1 at 4:46 PM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • If he's been an obedient, respectful child up until now, I would suspect it might have to do with some new friendships he has formed or with bad influences from some other new source. First line of defense would be to cut off those relationships. The old saying "bad company corrupts..." is true, especially of children at the age your son now is. If he's always had a tendency to be disobedient and disrespectful, it's not too late to teach him those things are unacceptable, but it will require a lot of concentrated effort and it will not be an easy task. When my boys were at that age, it was Daddy who handled most of their behavioral issues. Boys tend to walk over moms unless Dad puts an end to it. A united front will be of great benefit, but you really do need to put an end to this now before he reaches the teen years.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 4:48 PM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • Is he having trouble in school? Did he recently make new friends whose behavior he is copying?
    Make time every week to listen to him, to find out what's going on at school, to help him with problems. At this age, a positive male role model would help him figure out who he is and how to behave.
    Good luck
    RedRowan

    Answer by RedRowan at 7:11 PM on Nov. 14, 2010

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