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How do I stop being so selfish?

I hate who I am. But something happened today and I am ready to live life to make those around me as happy as I can. Life doesn't mean anything if you don't love as much as you can. But I can't just stop being selfish since I have lived my whole life like this. It ruined my marriage, almost my relationship with my parents and it makes me a rotten mother even though I love my little boy with my whole heart.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:18 PM on Nov. 14, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • I have no idea how you can stop being like this. (If you find out mail me, because I, too, think sometimes: "I wish I wouldn't be like this or that.") But if things happen over and over again, there is a pattern to the way you behave. Try to find out what it is. Write it down. Take a different piece of paper and write down little things you could change. Little things you could do. Things you could give. ... Maybe first of all a smile? Very little effort and costs nothing. Same with compliments. Try it and you'll see you can make somebody's day. And it'll make you feel good as well. What you give is what you get!


     I don't know what "being selfish"means to you ... It's rather difficult to answer this one.

    BeachMom81

    Answer by BeachMom81 at 4:29 PM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • just make that change just tell yourself ok It has always been about me and now it's gonna be all about my son and the ones I love and care for. GL
    Butterfly1108

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 4:34 PM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • Humility. You need to stop thinking more of yourself then needed. Selfish- meaning self is what we are more concerned about. How we feel? How we want things? Being right? Put yourself in someone elses shoes. It wont change over night but with work it'll happen.
    Jenaiko01

    Answer by Jenaiko01 at 4:37 PM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • And try to rephrase the "I hate who I am." into something more positive. You are who you are who you are. Lots of people seek aproval in others but really ... you're the only person you need to be happy with, because you have to live with yorself all the time. So what if you said .... I don't know ... "I dislike who I think I am." ... Gives you a bit more room and allows you to breath. You're not bad to the bone or something. It's all about your own perception.

    BeachMom81

    Answer by BeachMom81 at 4:37 PM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • I need a bit more clarity...how exactly are you being selfish?
    ShouldHaveLeft

    Answer by ShouldHaveLeft at 4:39 PM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • The fact that you think your selfish shows that maybe you aren't so much. You seem to care how you have maybe hurt others. I dont know your situation.
    Jenaiko01

    Answer by Jenaiko01 at 4:40 PM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • Start thinking about others' feelings and start doing things for others. There is nothing more rewarding than doing for others. It fills you up. And the love you get back in return is priceless. Good luck!
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 4:42 PM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • Recognizing it is the first step....now you have to break bad habits and replace them with good ones.....it will take a while for it to be a habit, so you practice practice practice......and know you will make mistakes....then you pick up and carry on......make decisions based on what is best for your child, and not yourself.....and ask yourself that every time you make a decision....and realize you will try to lie even to yourself, so you will have to catch yourself at this.....one day at a time....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:26 PM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • You have made a huge step today, realizing your problem, and wanting to do something about it. Its not going to be an easy road, but it will make your life better once you get there. Personally I would start by going to volunteer somewhere (but dont go around telling everyone that you are doing it, just keep it something that you are doing for the good of others, not to get kudos from other people) When you find yourself doing things that are for you, but that take something away from someone else (like say your son asks you to play with him, but you want to be doing something else) just do the exact opposite of what you would normally do, and do for them, not you. Say nice things to people, when people are talking listen to them, and try to think about how they feel about what they are saying. And remember to still do some things for you, have a set "me time" where you allow yourself to be completely selfish, guilt free
    -LovingMamma-

    Answer by -LovingMamma- at 6:46 PM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • Acknowledging it is a great step. Maybe consider counselling.... find out why you are making the decisions you are. Hope it all work sout for you.
    isabellem

    Answer by isabellem at 7:19 PM on Nov. 14, 2010

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