Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

How do i discipline a foster child(cannot spank) ?

I have 3 boys of my own. We also have 2 foster girls.(6 and 7 years old, sisters). We are having difficulties w/discipline. Go figure! But, we need some new ideas for the foster children. we cannot spank them so we need to do something that will get their attention. in general,they are REALLY well behaved. The boys and girls do not get along well. So, we have used time-out, time alone in their rooms, one on one time w/each other, and so many other things....nothing seems to get through to ANY of our kids.. what do we do now?

Answer Question
 
mcba0430

Asked by mcba0430 at 9:56 PM on Nov. 14, 2010 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 2 (9 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • Why can't you spank? Can you "spank" hands or flick the lips if they talk back?
    If none of that is an option how about extra chores or extra school work? You can tell them if they can't get along they get to earn their free time (tv, movies, video games, outside play).
    They seem to be on that border age that time outs stop working so what about choices? You can __________ or go sit in the corner for 15 minutes.
    Always keep your calm and keep explaining what is wrong and what behavior you want and expect to see.
    Good luck!
    DonnaPinitonya

    Answer by DonnaPinitonya at 10:11 PM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • try takeing away theyre privileges that helps or do a strike list that has 3 squares on it if they get 3 they lose dessert or something like that
    Kittty_Katt

    Answer by Kittty_Katt at 10:18 PM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • Expect bad behavior, but reward the good behavior. Each child has a different type of currency that works...for one it might be computer time, for another it might be T.V. time, for another it might be outdoor activity with Dad or even an ice cream cone... Once you learn what makes each kid "tick" it might be easier to get through to them.
    GoodyBrook

    Answer by GoodyBrook at 10:23 PM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • She can NOT spank because you can NOT use physical discipline on foster children.

    Try taking away priveleges. Also, PRAISING good behavior instead of acknowleding the bad behavior. Talking to the kids about why they did something inappropriate and what they could have done instead. What they can do to make up for the poor choices. TEACH the kids appropriate ways to act. Especially with the foster girls, no one may have shown them proper ways to act. Talk with your case worker about other ways to discipline all the kids.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 11:08 PM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • My parents went through this when I was a kid and we had foster kids. I am not a foster kid. They got away with murder practically because no effective discipline was allowed. Taking away stuff doesn't work because they don't really have stuff anyway.

    Your only safe bet is to praise good behavior. The hard part is to explain to your own kids why they are treated differently.

    Please, when you are done fostering these girls, stop short changing your own sons and don't take any more foster kids until they are grown.
    Pnukey

    Answer by Pnukey at 8:23 AM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • Have you tried taking away toys?
    Shanna84

    Answer by Shanna84 at 9:13 AM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • Sounds like you are overwhelmed and outnumbered. I would say have a "family meeting" and make a visual chart that shows them a reward and consequence system and stick to it. Figure out what punishments/removal of rewards really effects each child and be really consistent with applying the consequences for misbehavior. Be consistent and don't back down.
    KTMOM

    Answer by KTMOM at 2:24 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • give incentives for good behavior and praise them when they do a good job. try talking to them about their bad behavior at a family meeting and dont just accuse them have them voice their concerns too, and the whole family could come up with solutions for problems. let them feel included.
    maya123

    Answer by maya123 at 4:11 AM on Nov. 20, 2010

  • You really need to treat ALL off the children the same even your own. Spanking your boys cause they are your own children isn't fair to the boys or for the foster girls to see. I grow up in a foster home from 14 till i was 17 and the things that I Saw with the difference on treating the children was just as messed up as my home life was for those years. You need to treat all the children the SAME in the house so cut the spanking out all together and stay constant especially with the girls they need someone that is gonna show them that they care and love them, foster children: we have a lot of thoughts in our heads and we are full of empty no one gives a crap feelings and sadness inside us.

    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 4:30 AM on Nov. 20, 2010

  • Definately don't treat the foster kids any different than you do your own. We were foster parents a few years back. No you can't use physical punishment so you do have to get creative with your ideas. We had a sibling group and when they would fight with each other i would have them go out side and run. After the first couple of times doing this it seemed to help correct that problem for a time. You just have to get creative and find what works for the dynamic in your home
    sonsmom

    Answer by sonsmom at 6:31 AM on Dec. 8, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.