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Why the double standard?(also a vent) adult content

Alright so I am pretty upset. Earlier tonight my girlfriend called and we got to talking and she was very upset about her husband. Shes pretty uptight about many things involving sex they tend to do the standard sex and I had been trying forever to get her to explore her feelings more to throw off how she was raised. So she finally did and worked up the guts to spill everything... all she ever wanted to do in bed(and other places) and after she was finished he told her that its not proper for women to have thoughts like that. That its unlady like and that she shouldn't do or say things like that. I have been working with her for over a year to get her to this point and she got totally shut down by her hubby? I want to shove his proper attitudes up his ass but what should I really do about it? I am not going to stand by and allow my friend to be walked all over like this. Why is ok for men to say these things but not us?

Answer Question

Asked by Iamasinglemom99 at 11:16 PM on Nov. 14, 2010 in Relationships

Level 16 (2,715 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • What man in his right mind wouldn't like their wife to talk dirty? That's so weird.

    Answer by sunshine58103 at 11:18 PM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • Sunshine58103 one that maybe is a control freak or harbors old fanshioned ideas about a women's place? Idk that is why I am asking her. I mean they are not curch nuts(no offense to church goers but you all know who I mean), so idk whats up.

    Comment by Iamasinglemom99 (original poster) at 11:23 PM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • Its really their business and not yours. I know you are trying to help but she's a big girl and needs to handle it on her own.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:24 PM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • Thats just strange. Dh loves to hear me say what I want to do or have done to me and where to do. It's a major turn on for him. His only complaint is that I don't do it often enough. I'm shy like that I rarely talk about it. He's trying to get me
    to do it more.

    Answer by Jessica45 at 11:25 PM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • Everyone has the right to their own opinions and their own way to live.
    If they don't want to try some kinky sex, that is just fine. I don't think it is fair to interfere in another couple's marrage.
    Personally,I think that when you really love someone ,you don't have to try so hard, you don't need to do anything to pep up your sex life---it will be great without kinky or bizarre stuff. For him,proper is good and kinky is not and that is his choice, not yours. I think the fact that "you worked with her" was an indicator that you are controlling , you wanted to change her,and that you caused trouble in their relationship.

    Answer by kerp1960 at 11:25 PM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • kerp1960 in my mind(and maybe its because I don't believe in sexest double standards) for her to do what she did took a lot of guts, she wanted to do it, I didn't stand there with a gun an force her to do it. But thanks for the unhelpful reply. I ask for support and I get accused of being controling.
    And I question his responce showing that he really loves her. Her calling me in tears sure shows that he loves her. He could have said the same thing in a much nicer way. To me it just shows that hes an asshole. Even if he doesn't want to be kinky he should try it because his wife wants to do it.

    Comment by Iamasinglemom99 (original poster) at 11:37 PM on Nov. 14, 2010

  • Sorry but if you don't want an opinion, don't ask a question. I think you were wrong. That's all. That's it.

    Answer by kerp1960 at 12:21 AM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • ... you may have pushed her a little much if it was soo much of a big deal to tell him there was reason for that. she knew something that you didnt. but she should be able to tell him because thats how it works give a little take a little whatever the case may be and he shouldnt have said that to harshly.. and i agree he should at least try it. but he didnt say he didnt want to he just said women shouldnt think that way.. therefore making it a sexest remark. women can think the same way men can. i am not sure what she told him ... but maybe she worded wrong and offended him.. maybe he got his feelings hurt and took all of her NEW sex ideas as if she were bored with him and didnt enjoy sex with him. ??

    Answer by Ross2010 at 12:31 AM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • Its possible thats the case I only have my girlfriends side of the story but she called me competly in tears and its a natural reaction to want to defend your friends. She grew up in a very controling home, her parents controled everything she did till the moment she got married and was able to escape(her words) she has spent the past 8 years throwing off one burden after another. I freely admit shes got issues because of how she was raised and this was to be a big step foward for her she was really excited to share this with her husband and now she feels crushed.

    Comment by Iamasinglemom99 (original poster) at 12:35 AM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • So she turned around and married a man who's like her father, controlling. If this exploration is important to her, then her marriage will soon be over when she get's fed up with being controlled. I can see why you may have pushed her. If you see the amount of repression she is under, naturally you would assume it's from her past. In this case I don't think it's just the past but with her husband as well. If at all possible, encourage individual counselling for her so she can work out her past and gain as sense of strength in her self. She's got to gain a bit of self worth before she can stand tall. You may have to accept that she will no choose to go there. Sometimes our past patterns are hard to change and for some the pay-off isn't big enough to make the effort to change.

    Answer by isabellalecour at 8:28 AM on Nov. 15, 2010

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