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How to convince my BIL that being gay does not make him a pervert.

My BIL is the sweetest creature I've ever encountered. He's loving, kind, funny and very affectionate. He also has severely low self esteem and refuses to leave the house. My inlaws are constantly telling him he's going to hell if he doesn't stop being gay. They're constantly telling him that he's a pervert for having sexual dreams, he's a pervert for liking men(he's 18. it's called wet dreams, Hellooo!) He carries around so much unnecessary shame and guilt. I can see him deteriorating before my eyes but I can't do anything about it. Why can't they see they are destroying him? Because they are the only ppl he's exposed to, he believes the crap they feed him and as a result has become a recluse. Please, any advice would be welcome. No gaybashing plz

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CassyzMom

Asked by CassyzMom at 6:23 AM on Nov. 15, 2010 in Relationships

Level 17 (4,127 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • That is so sad. I'm assuming he lives with them. Is there anyway he can live with you? Do you know anyone he can move in with? There really isn't anything you can say that will help him if he is constantly exposed to their comments. Can your husband help? Maybe if someone tells your in law that they are idiots, it would help.
    Good luck.
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 6:26 AM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • I'm wondering if you and your husband feel yhe same way? Maybe you and your husband can sit down with his parents and have a heart to heart..I'd explain their criticisms never gonna guilt him into being 'straight!'Maybe hearing it from you two they will back off. Meanwhile keep talking to your BIL,maybe having your insite and allowing him to vent will keep him sane! Thats sad!
    anichols1

    Answer by anichols1 at 6:35 AM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • Sense he is 18. Try to get him to move out of their house. To yours if necessary.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 6:39 AM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • We've talked with them and they are EXTREMELY set in their Christian ways. DH and I have offered to let him stay with us (we still do occasionally) but he refuses because he feels he'll be burden on us but I think it's because he has a very unhealthy codependant relationship with my MIL, he doesn't want to part from her.
    CassyzMom

    Comment by CassyzMom (original poster) at 6:41 AM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • no more than being straight makes you a pervert. In fact there's a lot of straight perverts. Just visit a chat room. lol
    Zoeyis

    Answer by Zoeyis at 7:13 AM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • That is the saddest thing...I think he should move out and live with you or someone else...he is NOT going to feel any better until he is away from the negativity of his parents.
    Queenofscrap

    Answer by Queenofscrap at 7:20 AM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • Take him out & help him make some friends. Even if you guys have to go to a few gay places, i would encourage him to embrace his sexuality & encourage him to say fuck his asshole parents, they don't know what they're talking about.

    Right now, he needs a friend. Can you be his friend?
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 7:44 AM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • Can you afford to get him counselling? He's going to need a lot of it no matter where he lives.
    isabellalecour

    Answer by isabellalecour at 8:37 AM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • He has a toxic relationship with his parents. He needs to move out asap and limit contact with their negativity.
    KARRIEMARIE

    Answer by KARRIEMARIE at 8:45 AM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • hard to believe he told anyone about his sexuality if he knew his parents were so closed minded
    sad to open up and be shot down like that

    he needs to get out of there so he can start to heal, more going on than just his parents being close minded and hence unloving and excepting of their child
    you said he has an unhealthy relationhip with mom, he needs to separate from her, gain some self confidenece so he can start to except himself, then he can embrace and explore his feelings

    1st- out of there...can you make it a help to you if he moved in..like he does housework, yard work or child care in exchange for rent? he may be mnore apt to make move if he felt he was needed

    2nd- when he is out of there, he will need lots of praise (not for being gay) but for being a help with your family

    3rd- when he wants to, he can talk about his feeling to you or another loving person or even a therapist or pastor
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 10:25 AM on Nov. 15, 2010

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