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DH is disgusted by my body

We haven't had sex since we fell pregnant ( LO is 8 months old now.) he's always "too tired" or brings up other excuses. I've picked up 20kgs, roughly 40lbs since the baby. I had to have a C/Section, so I have an "apron". I have stretchmarks and flabby fat all over my tummy. My DH won't say anything but I catch him staring at my body when I come out the shower. I get the feeling he's ashamed to have an obese wife. When we go to the shop he insists I stay in the car "for the baby's sake". We don't go out anymore bc he's always "too tired". He doesn't cuddle me at night anymore either. I'm trying to lose weight but I work fulltime and go home and cook, clean, get the baby fed, bathed and in bed. (Not to mention the night feeds) By the time my day is through, I hardly have time to shower, let alone excercise. I'm so depressed and lonely. I'm losing the most important person in my life. Anybody dealt with this? How?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:54 AM on Nov. 15, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Have you just come out and talked to him about this issue. Just ask him. Then when you know the truth. If it is what you think it is. Get made. Get really mad. You just had his baby. It is his fault as much as yours that your bady is all f***ed up.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 7:00 AM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • Sorry meant "body"
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 7:01 AM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • I've brought it up but he won't say anything to hurt my feelings. I've come out and just plain asked him " Do you still find me attractive" but he just dodges the issue by saying things like "you've just had a baby" and "I'm sure you'll lose the weight after about a year"
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:08 AM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • You should talk to him about how your feeling. I understand I had a c section and i know the body your talking about. I was disgusted of my own self and didn't understand why I couldn't lose weigh. My DH didn't have the issue I did of myself. I would only have sex if i could wear a big shirt. I'm sorry your DH is acting this way. He should consider how you feel about this new body your tourtured with. You have to speed up your metabolism. Eat smaller meals and 6 times a day. when you play with the baby make it more of an exercise. It takes longer to recover from a c-section than natural birth. I haven't lost all my wieght from child birth but I'm in a size 13. Before kids it was a size 7. I'll be praying for you don't give up and communicate with your DH.
    suelo74

    Answer by suelo74 at 7:09 AM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • Seems pretty unfair, I'd let him know how you feel whether it helps or not. Then if it makes you feel better, work on yourself little by little .
    Keep your chin up!
    anichols1

    Answer by anichols1 at 7:19 AM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • You both created this baby. But YOUR body carried & delivered it! It's pretty insensitive of him to not understand the toll pregnancy can take on the human body! Is he perfect? is he w/out flaws? What happened to your marriage vows? If he cant get past a little extra weight, what would happen if, Heaven forbid, you became ill, lost your hair, your breasts, etc. He needs to be reminded of the reasons you got married in the first place & learn to look past the superficial stuff.
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 7:48 AM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • :( I just have to say he's a jerk. He was not raised well, I do not think. You are more than a body. A sexual relationship is based somewhat on appearance but there are other things. He seems unkind.
    KARRIEMARIE

    Answer by KARRIEMARIE at 8:37 AM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • Buy some sexy lingerie, turn out the lights, and get busy while he's laying in bed. Maybe he just needs a jump start? Also, it took me two years to finally lose the most of the baby weight. I was down to just a little pouch in the front, then I got pregnant again! I had a c-section, and went from a size 4 to a size 10 with my first pregnancy. I can fit into a stretchy size 8 now, (not for much longer though..) It does take time for your body to start to return, but sex will only help in that. Sex is excercise! It's great for the heart, for the relationship, and for the body. Tell him that. Tell him that even though you have a baby ( by the way, it can feel awkward knowing that you could be in the middle of the act, and the little one starts crying. I had a hard time focusing on my DH when the baby would start to whine, he may be feeling some of that.) you still need some sexual satisfaction, and toys don't always cut it. GL
    BisketLiss

    Answer by BisketLiss at 8:41 AM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • That's very bad of him.
    joysweet

    Answer by joysweet at 12:20 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • you need to get to the root of the cause and find out if it really is an issue he has with your body or maybe he is having a hard time coping with the stress of a new baby. alot of men, even if they have other children, have a hard time coping with the birth and stress of raising a child. if it truly is an issue that he has with your body, i would definately consider leaving. if he cant get past the changes in your body caused by giving birth (and you keep yourself up reasonably otherwise) then i would start to question his true feelings. my weight when my SO and i met was 125lbs. around the time i got pregnant i was already about 160lbs. about a year after having the baby, i was STILL around 160lbs and not losing no matter what i did. chemo made me get back down to about 130 and now im about 140. he said that he finds me attractive at ALL sizes because he is attracted to ME as a person. he has gained 60lbs and i feel the same
    LoriaAnn

    Answer by LoriaAnn at 4:46 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

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