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Why is it when my daughters come back from their dads its like they forget everything I taught them??

I am very firm about manners with my children, but every time my girls come home their Dads, its like everything I have taught them has gone away. They are rude and hateful and always trying to start a fight with my son, especially my 4yr old girl. I've talked to their dad and he just laughs about it.

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houshyzoe

Asked by houshyzoe at 8:43 AM on Nov. 15, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 4 (46 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • cuz they cut loose and can relax apparently at dads and still feel loose a chilled out when they come back to your place. Dad's place is like a resort and they come back to work and forget they have to be all wound up tight again lol
    Zoeyis

    Answer by Zoeyis at 8:45 AM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • I've had a similar issue. My kids know that in my house, I have my rules - I don't care what they can or can't do at their dads. If they act inappropriately, they get punished. It's not your exes fault really, your kids know how to behave they are just choosing not to.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 8:45 AM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • The only thing you can really do is when they walk through that door. Tell them where they are. At mom's house. Mom's rules.
    Make it undrestood that the way they act at dads is not the way they act at moms house.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 8:47 AM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • I have been going through this same thing with my daughter who is only four. It really burns my butter. She forgets manners she throws clothes on the floor and I am like where did you get this from and her response is always "my daddy said..." this has been driving me nuts. but She has been getting better with constant re-direction. I just am glad I am not alone with this.
    jazmya_mom

    Answer by jazmya_mom at 9:21 AM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • Sounds like he's not instilling the same manners and behavior that you are. Especially if he laughs it off.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 9:30 AM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • My suggestion is to let them know "That when they come home they are to obey the rules of your house. That it doesn't matter how dad runs his house, when you come home you follow the rules we have here. Period."
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 9:31 AM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • Sounds like someone is playing "Disneyland Daddy" and letting them get away with anything they want. I hear this SO often from friends of mine who are divorced. I don't really know what the solution is. My dad liked to spoil us too, and then when coming home to mom we felt like we could act out and be brats. All you can do is be consistent and do your best to get through to their dad how he really needs to uphold rules at his home too.
    KTMOM

    Answer by KTMOM at 10:22 AM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • I would try hard to not let them know that they are pushing your buttons, and trying to play one against the other. I don't think this is planned, I think it just comes naturally. When they say but at dad's house, just say "Isn't that nice that he lets you take a break. But you know the rules here. He's being a child right along with them, you still have to be the parent. It is very frustrating, just hang in there. It will pay off in the long run.
    SweetLuci

    Answer by SweetLuci at 10:25 AM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • my 4 year old son is the same way...i had a very polite,loving,little boy who had a set schedule everyday....he loved it! but when he stayed with his dad it all went out the window....my son came back from his dads and he was the meanest,god awful child in the world...he didnt want to be on his schedule no more cuz daddy said schedules are for babies.....
    SMALLfry05

    Answer by SMALLfry05 at 2:13 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • Thanks guys, I hope that when we go to court again, he will be laughing behind bars... Hes behind in child support and as SweetLuci says he is acting like a child, but its awesome to know, my girls love me enough after 2 days with him they are soooooooooooooo happy to see me :) It is just so hard to see how bad they act and while i have them home it takes almost 2 weeks to have them back to my sweet lil girls, and its time to go back, ugh what a pain. Do any of you think it could be that he works weekends and his new wife is who they stay with, causes alot of their behavior??
    houshyzoe

    Comment by houshyzoe (original poster) at 6:28 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

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