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could you remain in a relationship like this? *no bashing*

So lately my marriage has been rocky..We are having financial issues my dh has gotten us under payday loans which have set us way back because he's too proud to find another way of getting money. I used to work but that didn't go well because he thought since he too worked he didn't have to do anything even though before I went to work I'd clean,do laundry, prep dinner get the kiddos off to school ect..but when I'd go to work he'd sit on his ass on the computer and do nothing the kids homework wasn't being done they got behind I'd come home at midnite or 1 am and have to clean and do dishes..then wake up at 6 am and make the kids get their homework done before school..anyways we are way in debt and this man still thinks no matter what I tell him he can't keep charging things and getting more paydays idk what to do he don't listen he thinks he's doing the right thing ugh!!!

 
chica679

Asked by chica679 at 11:07 AM on Nov. 15, 2010 in Relationships

Level 16 (2,792 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • Personally, no, I would kick him to the curb if he didnt start acting like a man & taking some responsibility. He's suppose to be your husband, your partner not an "extra" kid. You could do this same stuff on your own w/out the added stress of his lazy & irresponsible behavior.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:10 AM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • Being that I'm kind of going through the same thing (minus the payday loans). I would yell, scream and throw things...at least that's what I feel like doing. I am all about working through problems, but you need to find a way to get him to listen. If that means a trial seperation...maybe that will work. Maybe make him get a second job, then at least he's doing something while you are taking care of the house. You won't have to watch him sit around.
    sunshine58103

    Answer by sunshine58103 at 11:24 AM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • I'm sorry but I would not be able to put up with that irresponsible behavior. I'd sit him down and have a talk with him and tell him that there will be no more spending, no more payday loans and that he needs to 'man-up' start taking responsibility and helping out with the kids and home as well as I would be getting a job and I won't be 'doing it all' (house, kids, work) while he sits on his ass and does nothing. If he refuses to stop getting deeper in the hole and refuses to help with the house/kids then I'd pack his stuff up and kick him to the curb. Why carry that 'dead weight' if you don't have to?
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 11:27 AM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • what i would do would depend on your history with him. has he ever been responsible in the marriage and worked to support the family? if hes just having a rough time right now and you need to light a fire under him then do it but if hes always been like this i see no reason for you to continue to live like this. you can do bad by yourself.
    lillie70

    Answer by lillie70 at 11:28 AM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • I think the first thing is that if payday loans have been used there is obviously not enough money coming in the door. You are never going to get ahead until you can stop using those. Sounds like the only solution is for you to get a job. It really doesn't sound like you DH is lazy. He just sounds like a typical man. Sit down and talk to him about what the 2 of you need to do. Tell him you are going out to get another job. You will give him a list of things you need him to do/help with. Be fair and share the duties. Men are oblivious and you have to spell things out for them. I wouldn't give up on him over just an issue like this.
    There are also free credit counseling services that can help you get him to see the problems with what he is doing.
    At least your DH is working. Not everyone can say that.
    momofkids

    Answer by momofkids at 11:34 AM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • You can have him consolidate the payday loans, google payday loan cosolidation,, then I would say get a part-time job,, and some counseling,, sounds like you have a big kid on your hands,, have a garage/craigs list sale to get rid of everything you don't need, and you hang on to the money,, so sorry!
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 11:36 AM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • No, I wouldn't remain in that relationship.
    ballewal

    Answer by ballewal at 11:10 AM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • No, I personally wouldn't want to be in a relationship like that. Debt is a HUGE strain on a relationship.
    Shanna84

    Answer by Shanna84 at 11:12 AM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • No., you already have kids to raise you don't need another one.
    arenad

    Answer by arenad at 11:14 AM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • I wouldnt be able to stand for that.. He sounds extrmely selfish my hubby isnt even selfish but i accuse him of it all the time it is my pet pev.. If you have a family and you cant do whats best for them you dont deserve to have them..
    lovinmybaby87

    Answer by lovinmybaby87 at 11:14 AM on Nov. 15, 2010

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