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5 Bumps

Am I just being b##chy?

My niece just had a baby a few days ago. I went to visit her in the hospital and everyone was congratulating her and going on and on like this is a good thing. My niece is 19, her boyfriend is 21 and both have the maturity level of 13 year olds. Neither one has a job and so can't support themselves, much less this new life they've made, and so public aid will become their standard of living. Both seem satisfied with this. While I did tell her the baby is beautiful, I can't bring myself to congratulate her and wonder... am I wrong?

 
hootie826

Asked by hootie826 at 12:05 PM on Nov. 15, 2010 in Relationships

Level 30 (42,920 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (29)
  • I can totally understand where you are coming from. You are entitled to your feelings on this matter. You did tell her the baby was beautiful. I am sure that is sufficient. A new life is always a blessing, however there are circumstances that prevent it from being a happy occasion. For example, should someone congratulate an addict when they give birth? No. Because you know that child's life will be hell on earth. So there are circumstances when having a baby is not a happy occasion. Sometimes, it's tragic. I hope that your niece will not be enabled by people and that she will have to get a job and support her child, along with her boyfriend. There is no reason they both shouldn't be working. Have you priced formula and diapers? Very expensive. Hope this all works out.
    twinkletoes0408

    Answer by twinkletoes0408 at 12:20 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • I'm not so sure about bitchy but you are being judgmental for sure.

    Syphon

    Answer by Syphon at 12:15 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • Telling her adult niece that she just made the biggest mistake of her life would be VERY wrong. It may seem to you that she doesn't deserve congratulations, and that is fine, but be sure not to be condescending, rude, or otherwise unagreeable. She may be young, but you can't predict the future. She may turn into the most capable, confident, and independent mother you have ever met. Public aid isn't fun, and I'm sure she'll realize that pretty quickly. Offer your support. Acknowledge how difficult things will be, and assure her, you are there to talk to, provide love, and support as appropriate.

    Good luck!
    mrskrisher

    Answer by mrskrisher at 12:10 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • No, you are not wrong IMO. You did what was comfortable for you.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 12:06 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • Yeah, I think you were a little bitchy. I don't think they were congratulating the choices but the baby is here and that's what is to be celebrated.

    Cindy18

    Answer by Cindy18 at 12:11 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • You aren't congratulating the circumstance, but the birth of a new little person. IMO yeah, you are a little bit B****.

    hobbitswife04

    Answer by hobbitswife04 at 12:13 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • No. Someone I know is exactly like that - same ages, immature, no jobs, just had a baby - and I feel the same way.
    -AJ

    Answer by -AJ at 12:22 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • this happened to my sister, while they still need help, they both have jobs and now own a their own place and car. as long as they love eachother, and the kid that should be the main thing. as for welfare, they have programs to help people get jobs or even go to school. think possitive, who knows what the future holds. (and i agree they are too young, but at least they are legal ages.)
    noel1978

    Answer by noel1978 at 12:10 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • Agree with Syphon. Not your place to judge her situation; can't you just be happy for the fact that a new life has entered your family's lives? Giving birth is worthy of a congratulations in my opinion - whether you think her situation is ideal or not.

    Just food for thought: would you have congratulated her if she aborted the baby??
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:44 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • Sounds like my hubby's niece-- she quit school her senior year because she got pregnant by her looser boyfriend neither one of them had an education, job or prospects.... they had the baby and of course signed up for every welfare program and hand out known to man and even made money by selling the formula they got for free from wic and other programs! The looser also turned out to be a child molester (of his own 11 yr old sister) and the niece married him anyway and had a 2nd kid with him. So yeah I can totally see your side of it as I feel the same way!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:00 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

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