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Is this appropriate?

My question involves my 10 yo son and his time spent with his dad. We've been divorced 7 years and my new bf and I have been involved for 4 years. I am 40 and a career woman. I like knowing my son and bf are bonding because one day I'd like to marry him. Since I share custody throughout the week, there have been several occasions where my bf suggested something he wanted all 3 of us to do with my son for a couple of hours(one was a violin concert) and the problem was it landed on one of my ex husbands days. So I asked my ex husband if he'd be willing to give up a couple hours of his day with him, and he said it was fine. However, my mother is now telling me that it seems I'm trying to take over his fathers time with him and replace it with time spent with my bf. Does anyone see it this way? Am I out of line promoting time spent between my son and bf?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:22 PM on Nov. 15, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (13)
  • It's not really her business. Especially if your ex agreed to the time. I can see if you were doing this frequently she may have something but this was one time and I don't see anything wrong with it.

    Answer by oahoah at 12:24 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • If your XH doesn't have an issue with it, there isn't a problem. After all, it's not like you are shipping your child off with BF and you won't be there. The time spent away from his dad is still spent with you.

    I also get the impression that if XH asked for your child at a time that wasn't his scheduled time, you would probably let him.

    Just keep in mind that when you ask your ex for time that should be his, YOU need to be there with the child too. Otherwise, it would be wrong.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 12:25 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • I don't see anything wrong with it, it is your family business and no one else should be involved but the parties affected..

    Answer by older at 12:25 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • You are not out of line. These time change decisions are between you and your ex only! If he was fine with it then don't let what others say bother you.

    Answer by elizabr at 12:26 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • I don't think its her business either. Having your son bond with your bf is an important part of family, your son needs to know that he is included in the new family. Your ex agreed and doesn't have a problem with it so why does your mom?

    Answer by bjojola at 12:27 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • Your mom needs to stay out of your business if she doesn't support your decision.

    Answer by depressedmom65 at 12:29 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • No. But as long as that time is your time. Not your EXDH's time. I guess I agree with your mom on this.

    Answer by louise2 at 12:29 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • Actually Jademom07, my ex husband did ask me one time if he could take him to the drive in movies for a couple of hours when it was my day, and I actually said no because I wanted to spend quality time with him, although we had nothing planned. Now I'm wondering if I was being selfish.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:31 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • I'm in the same situation- If your ex is ok with compromising it should be fine. Hopefully when he asks for some compromise you'll be just as willing. It really just depends on whatever works for the 2 of you. In all honesty though your bf should know better than to suggest something on your ex's day.

    Answer by skittles1108 at 12:34 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • Sharing custody is always challenging. If you can work out peaceful exceptions to your agreement now it will help you in the long run when your son wants to stay home for other reasons. Spending special unscheduled time together with either party will help your son know he is loved and welcome at all times, not just on weekends or school days. Maybe he is curious as to what goes on at home when he is not there? As for your mother's input, why would she be concerned with you stealing your Ex's time anyway. Disregard it.

    Answer by mountainmom3379 at 12:38 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

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