Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

What's he up to?

Our dd is five years old. she has a sensitivve airway, so she has ashmatic attack almost on a daily basis, the doctors advised that we should do away with rug carpets, dogs and cats etc, cos they are triggering this constant attack,my dh refused to cooperate. saying that the floor cannot be bare. i'm under constant strain, I have lost my jobs cos of her ailment. Most times,, he refused to take her to the clinic, saying that he's too tired or he would drive out. I don't know if he wants her to die, he would be watching her struggling with her breathe. but he wouldn't lend a helping hand. Neighbours sometimes help. I have a baby of 8 weeks old, 3 years old and 2 years old. He accused and abused my late parents for being genetically responsible for the illness, I nurse her and still look after the other 3 kids.

Answer Question

Asked by joysweet at 1:38 PM on Nov. 15, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 10 (437 Credits)
Answers (4)
  • Obviously up to no good, I think this man needs to be gone from the household all he is doing is making everyone's life miserable. You would be better off without him.

    Answer by older at 1:42 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • Wow. That's serious neglect on his part. He is her father and her needs come before his do. Especially with an ailment like she has that could really cost her, her life. You need to sit down with him and really find out what his priorities are. If she is even at all important to him, because from where I stand he doesn't seem to care about her needs at all. He appears very selfish. I would really evaluate what his worth is in that family, if he even has any at all. Your children and you deserve better then that, especially your daughter who needs a father who will look out for her. Him being tired, hungry, bored .. It doesn't matter, if she's having trouble breathing he needs to assist. Honestly, does this man provide anything for your family but financial assitence? If not, then he needs to be told to leave. Your daught, you, and your other children deserve better then him.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 1:43 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • Paralysis is my guess.

    When children are traumatized repeatedly (like being bullied every day at school, or watch someone die, or abused by parents, or routinely neglected) their stress response doesn't mature. Children and women's response to stress is paralysis, and if he never grew out of this, or feels incapable or helpless, it would trigger the same physiological response. If you had a videocamera watching him, you'd see his pupils narrow, his breathing get shallow as his blood pressure dropped, his body to stop moving almost completely, his skin would go pale and his muscles would become limp.

    This is called 'learned helplessness' and it is the result of a lifetime of having that helplessness enforced or just proven.

    The other natural response for men, in stress, is to leave (when there isn't anything to fight). He clearly has no idea how to cope with stress, so he just reactions instinctively.

    Answer by LindaClement at 1:49 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • Leave him! You don't need him, you are doing it on your own anyway. He's probably doing more damage to the kids being there than not.

    Answer by mlmsm928 at 2:16 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.