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Have been separated for 3 months and ex is asking ....

To allow him to bring his GF around our 9 yr old daughter. Our break up is fairly recent I think and he cheated on me with this woman. I want to be able to separate things but it is still difficult for me. I know it is definitely over b/w us I just think he is moving to fast as far as bringing this woman in to our daughter's life. What do you think I need some advice, I know he didn't have to ask, some men just do what ever they want. We are not on good terms right now. His stuff is still in the house we haven't been able to sever ties completely as far as finances. I am still very angry and just got off of anti-deprresants to deal with my problems better, so would like to use good judgment as far as handling this the best way possible.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:48 PM on Nov. 15, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • Are you two getting a divorce? It's highly inappropriate for him to be bringing his mistress around you and the child. Tell him how you feel about it. It's his child too, so you can't deny him access to the child. But you can let him know how you feel. If the marriage is over, then make it official by getting a divorce. It sounds like he's already made up his mind...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:52 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • No we were not married but were together for 12 yrs.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:54 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • It may be inappropriate, but if it is definitely over between you, it's a fact of life. Your daughter is old enough to react to what you react to. If you stress over this, she will too. She'll want to be loyal to you, but loves her daddy too and will want to make him happy. Again, if it is over, facts are there will be new people in both of your lives. Open and honest usually works.
    msm67

    Answer by msm67 at 2:57 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • I'd say it's up to you. I didn't meet anyone till after my divorce finalized, and even then I made him keep his distance when he came over until my kids got comfortable around him and considered him to be a nice guy to be around.

    My Ex has only had 1 girl friend over to the house with the kids and I just flat out let him know that it didn't bother me as long as she didn't hurt the kids in anyway, and that the kids didn't have an issue with her. All went well and I didn't have to worry about anything.

    GoodLuck! Just go with how you feel.

    DesertRose75

    Answer by DesertRose75 at 2:59 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • I perssonally agree its too soon to hav ethis woman artound her. but you dont know exactly how longthey have been seeing each other and i think its better that you know who it is that will be around her than him being afraind to tell you b/c he is afraid of you reaction. You should let her though b/c if not he will sneak and do it. let your daughter know whats going ion so she isnt confused but be mindful she is still 9
    jazmya_mom

    Answer by jazmya_mom at 3:00 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • Not trying to be rude....but get over it. He has moved on and he doesnt care about you nor your feelings. Its about the child that you and him had together. All you can do is talk with your daughter and let her know that no matter what you will always be her mother and that she should show this woman respect regardless and if your daughter is feeling uncomfortable then explain to her to give you a call. Now, as for the other woman...she is shitless to you because they are not married you dont have to respect her at all but she does need to know that you dont play when it comes to your daughter. When the time comes make sure you introduce urself because she may not do it...BTW how do you know that ur ex want his GF to meet yall daughters if he didnt tell you?
    mom42107

    Answer by mom42107 at 3:15 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • I think it's a little soon for him to be introducing new women to your daughter's life, but I'm not sure how much power you've got to stop him. Talk to him about it and hope for the best. You can't deny him access to your daughter, but you also can't control his behavior.
    Dr.Donna

    Answer by Dr.Donna at 3:23 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • I dont agree with it! I think you should wait at leaast 9-12 mo before introdusing a gf or bf to children! Do you want you child to think it is okay to be bringing home everyone? I home he waits it would be sad for people to enter and exit your ex's life and therefore your childs
    rebeccadac

    Answer by rebeccadac at 3:46 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • If I were in this situation, and my ex asked me, I would be honest. I would tell him that I thought it was too soon, and your child needs to adjust to two of you separating, and bringing another person into the mix (from either of you) wouldn't be a great idea. If you do answer his question, make sure you're not emotional about it, and it's about your child, not you and your anger.

    You also have to be prepared for the fact that he may introduce the woman regardless of your advice. You don't mention how your child is dealing with this, and how she feels about the separation. Depending on how she feels and how much she knows, I'd speak to her and let her know you two are no longer together, but you both love her, etc. There is the likelihood that one or both of you will, at least in time, find other partners, and let her ask you questions so she understands and feels secure with the situation.

    Good luck!
    MeandMyBabes

    Answer by MeandMyBabes at 3:49 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • my son, who was 6 at the time, met my SO just 2 months after my exhusband and i seperated (which was around the time the divorce was final). it DOES seem very soon and if my ex were to ask me about this i would probably be concerned as well...but the truth of the matter is, my son LOVED my SO form the moment he met him. they actually went outside and threw a football around and had a great time the first time they met (and my SO and i werent even committed yet, only dating casually). the fact that he was soo good with my son is part of what made me fall for him. it does seem early and is definately not something i would want my ex to make a habit of, but its not necessarily a recipe for disaster. it really depends on your child and how much you have discussed the seperation and the two of you dating others with the child. he/she needs to be prepared for this and feel free to ask questions and voice concerns.
    LoriaAnn

    Answer by LoriaAnn at 4:04 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

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