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Torn in 3 ways about my 2nd pregnancy. Abort, adopt, or keep?

I've been with my bf for 1 yr. I already have a 2 year old son that means the world to me. But now I'm pregnant with my 2nd by my bf and throughout our relationship we have discussed hypothetically what he would do if I became pregnant. He said he would be a man and stand by me no matter what I decided. He stood by his word the first night I told him I was pregnant, but after he had a couple of days to really think about it, he changed his mind. He says he wants me to give it up for adoption, so do his parents. He said he'll dump me if I keep the baby because although he "loves me" (yeah right), he doesn't support me keeping the baby because he's "not ready". He should have thought about that before he slept with me but it's too late to go back now. I'm adopted myself and idk if I wanna put my kid through that but I don't want to be raising 2 kids alone. Help! I'm 23 living at home and my mom wants me to keep it. Please help.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:45 PM on Nov. 15, 2010 in Pregnancy

Answers (19)
  • Your mom does not get to make that decision for you. It's your decision and yours alone. I suggest you do a lot of research into your three options and make an informed decision. No matter what, someone will disagree and tell you that you're wrong. Don't listen to them. Listen to your heart and your brain.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:47 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • Listen to your mom, keep it and make him sign all parents rights away, he does not deserve to be called a father,..it won't be easy, but you can do this and give your first baby a brother or sister.
    older

    Answer by older at 4:47 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • keep it! if you want to have your child keep it. DOn't listen to that jack ass.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:48 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • Honey, you have do do what YOU can live with. Not what others want or think you should do. No one here can tell you what you should do. Ultimatley the clock is ticking and you have a very hard choice to make. If your BF wants to leave, then he wasn't worth being with to begin with. He sounds manipulative. Do what you have to do, but don't make any decisions about your, body, children, or health for a man or anyone else in that matter.
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 4:48 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • IMO if you act like an adult and have unprotected sex you know you could get pregnant and you did so take responsibility and have the baby OR find a family to adopt. You're pregnant with a child and its not the baby's fault you had sex and created it.
    onemellowmom

    Answer by onemellowmom at 4:49 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • First of all, FUCK HIM AND HIS FAMILY TOO!!! Do what you want to do regardless of him! He's going to have to pay support for both of them so do what feels right for you and it sounds like you have the support of your mom and that's all you need. Also, if he's going to walk out on you now, then he'll walk out on you at any time when you least expect it, even if you get rid of the baby.
    ShouldHaveLeft

    Answer by ShouldHaveLeft at 4:49 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • If he leaves because you choose to keep your child, ream him for child support. Sorry, but if you are good enough to have sex with, you are good enough to have his child. He needs to be responsible for his part in this whether he likes it or not.

    What do you want? Kick everyone else out of your head for a moment. What do YOU want to see happen with this pregnancy?
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 4:51 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • This is the OP: Honestly, idk what I want. That's why I'm asking for help. I WANT in my heart to keep the baby. If my bf would come around, I would keep it and hope to be a family. But I don't want to live on the hopes that he will come around. I'm betting he's just scared right now since it's his first kid and my second. If he doesn't come around, I don't want to raise 2 kids by myself. Ugh. I hate this.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:53 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • Do not make your decisions based on ultimatums or the wishes of others. Just make sure you consider the consequences of all 3 actions. Ask yourself "What is the worst thing that could happen with this decision and can I live with that?"
    hootie826

    Answer by hootie826 at 4:55 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • SCREW HIM! I have three kids. Out of the three and the three promises of manhood I have had ONE stand by his word. And these were long relationships too (1-3 yrs before pregnancy). And I am only better from it.

    If your mom wants you to keep the baby then that means it is going to have tons of love from grandma and you will have the support you need to raise two children. :) You aren't going it alone... she is by your side! :)

    I learned from my man mistakes what I truly needed and wanted in a man and I found it. I think you are walking a close path to find the same things for your life and your childREN. If you truly want this baby in your life then have it, love it, and raise it. Take him to court for child support and make his sorry butt help like he should.

    HE is NOt important anymore. All that is important now is your sweet babies and your happiness.

    Good luck with your decsion!
    Memigen

    Answer by Memigen at 4:57 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

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