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My almost 4 year old doesnt' want to see her dad

He wasn't in her life till she was 2, then went into the Army when she was about 2 1/2. Since then, he has only seen her a few times and even came into town without seeing her or even telling me he was comming. When he calls (maybe once a month) she doesnt know who he is. Now he will be stationed about 2 hours from here and says he wants to see her more. I don't think he will want every other weekend but last few times he saw her she screamed and cried that she didnt' want to go. We have court ordered visitation, so I had no choice but to make her go. What do I do for her?

Answer Question
 
JLS2388

Asked by JLS2388 at 8:35 PM on Nov. 15, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 25 (25,280 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • My daughter is like that with her dad...and he lives in the house! At this age Mommy rules. She will warm up to him. If you are more comfortable with it see if he is willing to meet you both for dinner some during the week just to get her acustomed to seein ghim more often with the safety of Mommy.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:37 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • Perhaps you could arrange times for her to get use to him without him taking her by herself. He is probably not to comfortable with this either. Is he comfortable with her?
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 8:38 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • You could hire a lawyer and get a child psychologist involved, but you will probably look like a mom who doesn't want the dad to be involved. It happens all of the time. It sounds like because your daughter has had limited time with her father that she is just a little insecure and scared. Maybe if she saw him more often, the crying and insecurity would subside and she would enjoy the time spent. He is her dad and always will be. Good luck.
    twinkletoes0408

    Answer by twinkletoes0408 at 8:39 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • He puts her in front of the tv and goes in the other room to play video games. Anonymous, this may work with some people but I will most certainly NOT being going anywhere with him
    JLS2388

    Comment by JLS2388 (original poster) at 8:41 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • You're going to have to have hard-core proof that she not see her father at age four. If you don't want to be with her during his parenting time, can you arrange for another person to be there that she feels comfortable with?
    ToraMay

    Answer by ToraMay at 8:43 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • twinketoes0408, I have talked to a lawyer who told me to save my money because unless I am trying to say he abuses her, a judge will not care that he ignores her when she is with him. It will not be likely that he will see her more then once a month because even when he is off work (he will be in a different state a couple hours away) his friends come first.
    JLS2388

    Comment by JLS2388 (original poster) at 8:44 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • Well, maybe you could try to talk about him in a positive way with her, maybe she's senseing your feelings and emotions, and that can be a little scary.
    Rachel24517

    Answer by Rachel24517 at 8:45 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • Seems like the only thing you can do is to meet up with him and let your daughter get used to him. I see that others have suggested it and you flat out say there is no way. I think if it was for my child.........I would do what I had to do to help calm her fears including being in the same room with my daughters father even if I could not stand him.. Make it a public place so your not alone with him. Or better yet have him come to your house where she is on her own turf. Have someone else there with you if it makes you more comfortable. You'd think he would want to make things easier for the child as well.
    mistynights234

    Answer by mistynights234 at 8:50 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • I guess I just feel like if he doesn't make her a priority in his life, why should I go out of my way to make him one in hers? I don't bad mouth him and when he does come get her, I am potite. I let him talk to her when he calls (maybe once a month), I have her ready to go when he is supposed to pick her up (even though he usually picks her up 45 min late) and I am there when he drops her off (even though he usually drops her off half way through his visit cause she hasn't stopped crying) but other then all that I don't think I should be expected to do anything more for their "relationship" especially if he won't even put that much effort in.
    JLS2388

    Comment by JLS2388 (original poster) at 11:19 PM on Nov. 15, 2010

  • Have you tried to talk to her and see what she says? If he ignores her, what's the point of her going with him. Maybe he's seeing someone and is trying to show them that he's a good father??LOL I think he needs to decide once and for all if he really wants a place in her life if not, then he shouldn't have anything to do with her. My daughter did this when she was five and I didn't make her go, the grandparents never asked to see her anymore, and her father didn't care. Still doesn't.
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:39 AM on Nov. 16, 2010

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