Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

Can someone explain???

I have been reading question on here for a while & I see a trend - a lot of them are about how to get kids to do stuff. People are says that their kids "refuse" to do this or that. Ok, I get that a kid could refuse to do their homework, or clean their rooms because those aren't really things that you can force them to do. I don't understand, though, the parents that say their kids "refuse to go to the doctor" "refuse to go to rehab" "refuse to go to school" How can you accept that they are refusing to go anywhere??? You put them in the car, don't tell them where they are going, and walk their happy asses into the office. Am I missing something??? If I left it up to my DS he would NEVER go anywhere but the mall. Can someone explain this to me, because I am really confused.
I am not trying to be mean - so please don't flame me - just help me understand.

 
shareleann

Asked by shareleann at 12:46 AM on Nov. 16, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 15 (1,979 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • there are many different parenting styles as there are differences in every kid and as kids get older they aren't always as easy as the first kid or any other kid. Teens are the worst, not all but most teens just want to go against everything a parent says and some respond in violence or simple stubbornness and/or some parents just don't believe in using certain tactics that you, I or whoever else might use, some aren't strong enough physically to just get the kid in the car, some don't have suport of a spouse/ other adults,.... sometimes a parent just wants to hear the same answer that they already know just to confirm that it's okay to parent in a certain style.
    kingkongsmom

    Answer by kingkongsmom at 12:56 AM on Nov. 16, 2010

  • I was thinking about this similarily earlier. Posts about children who don't sleep in their beds or will not go to bed or don't get up in the morning and so forth... Made me wonder if I am a horribly strict mom or what?
    luv.my.kids.365

    Answer by luv.my.kids.365 at 12:49 AM on Nov. 16, 2010

  • I believe we do have the power to make them do their homework, to ask them to clean their rooms etc,,,,they get this, if they do that. As for doctors and rehab, I dont know about you, but Im a single parent to a son who has been at 6 ft,,,he is 6.2 now at 16. but he has been this tall since graduating from the 8th grade. Do you really think I have the strength to drag that kid out of anywhere? He doesnt want to go to the doctor, if its not school related and its not about a physical to attend a camp..then Ive done the best I could by supplying him with medical insurance. If I cant get him out of the car for rehab, then there is a cop and he can deal with him instead. What am I going to do seriously? By the way, I have an honor role student, he is a pretty dang cool kid in my book. But that is my explanation on teens and allowing them to refuse to do stuff
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:10 AM on Nov. 16, 2010

  • While I generally agree, you can't forcefully put them in the car either... If you do get physical with them, you risk loosing them... It's a catch 22 kind of thing. But really I say just make their life to unhappy to make them want to stay home...
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 12:54 AM on Nov. 16, 2010

  • I spelled honor roll wrong,,,,,oh my, its bedtime! Why cant we edit our answers after we post them?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:25 AM on Nov. 16, 2010

  • I don't have too much of that since my daughter is 3 and still small enough that I really can make her do just about anything still.
    However I know that my step-dad talked a lot about the step-kids he raised before his exwife divorced him and he married my mother, and apparantly one of the girls was not going to go to school that day for some reason and just kept staying in bed and not getting ready so when it was time to go he went up grabbed her and her blanket loaded her into the back of the car and took her to school just like that. I don't know that I'd have it in me to go that far, but I guess that's one way to teach a kid you're serious.
    JadeRDragosani

    Answer by JadeRDragosani at 1:01 AM on Nov. 16, 2010

  • Some women are not as tough as others
    NicolesMommy

    Answer by NicolesMommy at 1:59 AM on Nov. 16, 2010

  • You have to teach the kids to respect you and listen when they are young so that they KNOW what is the right thing to do when they are teens. They will still push the rules, but will know they are wrong.

    Then you just have to guide, hope and pray that they don't take the wrong road. I think it is easy to say "my kid would never do this or that". I have am friends with two families who are GREAT parents, good people and their kids have just gotten caught up with bad things. One was sent to live with her dad in another state and seems to be getting better. The other ... they are focing her into rehab for her own safety, but rehab doesn't work unless you want it for yourself. I see these girls 14 and 17 that are from good families that I have known since they were little girls. My heart breaks for them and I just pray that the don't do anything they can't take back.
    Niki_sd

    Answer by Niki_sd at 2:26 AM on Nov. 16, 2010


  • Also know kids from lax families who came out great and with little supervision seem to be self-driven and want to be successful by making good decisions.

    Please don't judge familes you see struggling with kids this age... there are so many factors and it is just too easy to blame the parents. And you set yourself up... if you don't think this could happen to you, to your kid bc you are such a great/strict parent... just be careful. Wrong friend, wrong girlfriend, wrong boyfriend, wrong party, wrong choice... and you could find yourself what happened to your baby too. It's a tough age.
    Niki_sd

    Answer by Niki_sd at 2:28 AM on Nov. 16, 2010

  • Because the trend these days is to be friends to children and not parent them. I am not my child's friend. I am their parent. My children have friends of their own age.
    The other thing is that so many think that parenting is over as they hit teenage years. Nope, not over, it is changing, yet, but so not over. In fact, we need to parent more than ever as our children go into their teenage years.

    I have had children that didn't want to go somewhere, but went anyway because we told them they were going. When my children ask a question a second time - I quite often respond with "Asked and Answered". I don't listen to whining, begging or disrespect because my children know that once a decision is made it is made and that once a question is answered it is answered and once an appointment is made, they are going. Once we head out to dinner, they are going...etc.
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 8:44 AM on Nov. 16, 2010

Next question in Teens (13-17)
HELP!

Next question overall (Health)
What should a doctor receptionist wear?

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN