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what the best thing to do for a family member that seems to be stuck in a stiution they feel they cant get out of.i guess im looking for suggstions to help her?

my sister in a relationship she feels trap in she has a 3 yr old lil girl he abusive mental ,physicaly.emotionally they only have one car so he alwsy gone wth never tells her where he at what he doing .tell her if she touches his shit there will be trouble.i know she stays one because she loves him two because of her lil girl she grew uo without a dad and she doesnt want that for her lil girl so she will sacifice her own happiness because of it. he also cheated on her like 5 times she sure ther more just cant prove it.i guess as her sister i feel like ther something i should be doing.i have told her to get the cops involved but she feels if she does that he going to destoy her house ,car or take her lil girl from her or pyscially really harm her .i just want to help her. someone please give me some advice on what to do? i feel helpless .thank you

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:39 AM on Jul. 5, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Call local domestic violence hotline...tell them you're her sister and ask what are the best ways you can support and help her.

    Another thing you can do is try to get her to call them too or go to one of their support groups if he doesn't have her so isolated that she can't.

    Perhaps she doesn't know what options are available to her. Once she knows there are options, she may not feel so stuck and trapped.

    No father is better than a violent one. That kind of lesson on relationships is not good for any child. And it's definitely NOT love...there's no real love there. She only loves who she thought he was...not who he really is.

    Find out options from the local domestic hotline...they're familiar with the laws in your state and services offered. Tell her those options...if she doesn't believe you, try to get her to call and ask herself.

    Best wishes to you!

    Answer by Triessence at 1:58 AM on Jul. 5, 2008

  • if she gets a restraining order, she gets temporary custody. if he is as abusive as she says, if you can prove it, he will not get custody.
    i agree with the top answer. you need to get some help from people who deal with this everyday. my heart goes out to you guys.

    Answer by princezzmommie at 2:39 AM on Jul. 5, 2008

  • Fear is how abusers control their targets (wife/gf). I'm not sure what state you live in but in my state (FL) there is a law called Failure to Protect which means she can be arrested for not getting the kids OUT of that environment so if she stays they can be taken from her. See if your state has that law. She needs to get to a D.V.Shelter. She can always get a new house and things and even a new/better father figure for her child(ren). There is a thing called Trauma Bond which keeps women attached and it is NOT love. Please tell her to get away from him before he kills her and she never sees her children again. I have a group for abused women here on cafemom or there are several other good ones here. She can get moral support in any of them. She can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233 or to find out where to call locally. Life is too short to live it in fear. Peace.

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:44 AM on Jul. 5, 2008

  • as hard as it may be she definitely needs to get that little girl out of there. even if he is good to the child that behavior is not. if your sister thinks she is helping her daughter by keeping her father in the picture she is in denial. a broken home is better than one with violence and unhappiness

    Answer by brimarie8 at 12:24 PM on Jul. 5, 2008

  • Has she actually asked for help?? I know you're concerned, if she hasn't asked for help then the best thing to do is talk to her. . Yeah, you can call the police if you know something is happening right then and there, you can call DHS and say that abuse is going on, you can call domestic abuse hotlines, but it may cause more problems for her and you. I have a friend that was in a crappy relationship for a long time and I pleaded with her to leave him, even called DHS when I saw abuse, it didn't do any good but destroy our friendship, we're still friends, but not like we use to be.

    Answer by Babs310 at 12:27 PM on Jul. 5, 2008

  • my ex cheated on me several times( i caught him several times i should say) he even had another girl pregnant while we were together. What your sister is going threw is not easy! . . hear is my advise, whenever your sister comes to you and tells you another story about her child's father be comforting. let her know everything would be alright without him. Of course every one wants there child to grow up with both father and mother together, but realistically thats not the case. Let her know she should leave and she can stay withuntil shes ready to be on her ownJust the other night i thought to my self i would love to marry my child's father, not for love, but because my daughter won't be in a broken home, then i thought that won't work, i'll be so unhappy. Remind her that if she dosen't take care of her self first (God forbid if something was to happen to her), who will be left to take care of her beautiful child.

    Answer by little106 at 1:35 PM on Jul. 5, 2008

  • tell her in order to take care of her child she needs to focus on the main cause first, which is her self. If its taking time for her to make that huge step just continue comforting her and pray for her also.

    Answer by little106 at 1:35 PM on Jul. 5, 2008

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