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2 Bumps

I need some suggestions/ideas

My husband and I have a great relationship. We do get into fights like any normal couple, but sometimes it gets way, way out of control! For example: Sunday was supposed to be a "mommy day" because DH has been working almost nonstop and leaving me at home from 5am till sometime 10pm working . And he has been missing DD (15 months) and she has been mssing her daddy too. So they were going to have some daddy daughter time and we were to all go out together as a family. I have been starting a new BC and have been quite emotional and bitchy. He got mean about something that hurt my feelings and I took it a little far. about an hour later I aplolgized for being a bitch and that i didnt mean it. And tasked if he was sorry too. He said "what for, your the fucking psycho". and never apologized for being a dick in the first place and I got very, very upset about it. Continued in 1st comment.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:48 AM on Nov. 16, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (3)
  • He is yeling me for being upset and expecting him to apologize. I was in tears in our room because i didnt want DD to witness this. I just understand why he cn never see that he hurts me for never seeing his own faults. He screws up a lot to, things that I deserve an apology for. He didnt used to be this bad, but has gotten worse on his "high horse" thinking he can do no worng.

    My question is, we need some help to not let our fights get to this point. To where its all just bashing eachother on our faults. My main problem is he cannot handel me being emotional, and crying. He grew up in a hosue where no one showed emoiton toward eachother. no one ever cired when they were sad or hurt or upset, and he freaks out and leaves when I start to tear up. Which hurts even more. He doesnt communicate well and i dont know how to help him communicate with me whe it gets to this point. Counseling he will NEVER do BTW he is way to proud
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:52 AM on Nov. 16, 2010

  • My dh and I used to have arguements and although they may not have gotten to the point that yours did, we have said hurtful things out of anger. It did take time, communication and counceling for us to get to a better place. You say that your dh is not willing to do counceling but is he willing to sit and talk with you and really discuss the situation? If so, the best thing that I learned in counceling was when we argued to try to stop and try to understand HIS side instead of trying to MAKE him understand what I was saying. Now, we don't get to the point of yelling at each other becasue before that happens I stop and think to myself "try to understand where he is coming from" then it seems like he is more open to listening to what I am saying and then we can actually come to an agreement or at least just have a better understanding to the situation. It has helped alot.
    sue118

    Answer by sue118 at 11:06 AM on Nov. 16, 2010

  • Some men are not comfortable with feelings, even saying sorry isn't easy. I would not have asked him if he was sorry, too. I'd have just apologized for my part in it and let it go. My SO is hard core military and to hear him say "I'm sorry" would take an act of Congress. It's just him and I know that. If we're speaking again then I know all is forgiven and he wants to make amends. That's as good as it's going to get. He'll make it up to me later in some non-verbal manner.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:28 AM on Nov. 16, 2010

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