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3 Bumps

My husband repulses me... adult content

I don't want to divorce and break up the family. I come from a broken family and it fucking sucks, I don't want to put my kids through that... But my husband disgusts me. He repulses me. He has done some shit in the past that I just cannot get over. He lies, for one. His porn addiction disgusts me, his anger problems disgust me. His lack of regard for my body sexually repulses me. The thought of being intimate with him makes me want to puke and whenever he's around I feel annoyed. I can't get past these things, I try and I just cannot put them behind me. I think our marriage might be over, but idk. I can't bring myself to leave. I don't know what to do... I feel trapped in an unhappy marriage, but I don't know what he could possibly do that would allow me to forgive him for past offenses... I don't think I will ever trust him.
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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:02 PM on Nov. 16, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (26)
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    I just... don't know what to do. Is it possible to forgive someone for unforgivable acts (abuse, constant lies, etc)? How do you get past that? When do you know when it's time to just move on? How do you even start to let go, especially knowing what it will do to the kids? Can anyone offer any advice or insight? I'm just really confused right now and idk what to do...
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:04 PM on Nov. 16, 2010

  • wow!! I cant imagine why you would stay. I bet your kids can tell you arent in love with him. If your daughter was in this situation and asked you what she should do what would you tell her? You are her living example right now. Go to therapy and see if you guys can turn this around. If you cant turn it around after trying with professional help then go enjoy your life!!
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 12:04 PM on Nov. 16, 2010

  • You have to try counseling first. If that does nothing to help, then you cam move onto divorce. But, counseling saved many marriages. It's worth a try.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 12:07 PM on Nov. 16, 2010

  • I can totally understand not wanting to break up your family. But some things like abuse and constant lies, it really does not seem worth it to stay. If he were interested in changing you might be able to work through these issues but since he is not apparently, you should think of your and your children's happiness. Staying in a horrible relationship with a man like this around for a daily example is a lot less healthy than the alternative.
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 12:08 PM on Nov. 16, 2010

  • Hon... If you feel that way---I'LL BE HONEST WITH YOU---you need to get out of your marriage. I know it's hard. The things you mentioned... Well,---my ex husband did those too. The turning point came for me one day when I was out driving and I had finished everything I had to do... I started just driving up and down streets because I knew he'd be home and I didn't want to go there if he was...SAD ISN'T IT ??? I left him 14 years ago. It was one of the smartest things I'd ever done. REMEMBER : YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY.
    IndigoRose

    Answer by IndigoRose at 12:08 PM on Nov. 16, 2010

  • I'm not all for just telling people to get divorced if they're not happy, but it sounds like you have some deep issues going on here. I agree that you should go to therapy. Part of "staying together for the kids" involves giving them a good example of what marriage should be so that they can go on and have healthy families themselves. It doesn't sound like this is happening here. Marriage is a partnership, teamwork...you both have to be willing to make it work for it to be successful. If you can come together and agree on the important things - him trying not to lie to you, maybe he could stop with the porn - he just might start becoming more attractive to you. It's not going to happen overnight. Your relationship needs a lot of tender loving care if you're going to make it work. I hope that you can make a decision to stay or go and then stick with it. Do what is best for your kids AND yourself.
    JJsMoMMy519

    Answer by JJsMoMMy519 at 12:10 PM on Nov. 16, 2010

  • A broken home is better than an unhealthy marriage. My husband was the product of a couple that stayed together for the sake of the children... for a while. He says things improved dramatically when his parents divorced.

    Kids know. There's no hiding. Is this what you want for your kids? Because staying will merely perpetuate the model.

    GET OUT. TODAY.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:11 PM on Nov. 16, 2010

  • Sometimes it is better to leave than to stay even if it mean a "broken" family. It sounds like you are in a terrible situation and you should start with counseling, or a life coach if you can. You kids definately know that the marriage isn't perfect and they can pick up on your feelings whether you realize it or not. Perhaps you resented your parents splitting and you don't want your children to feel that way. On the other hand- my parents stayed in an unhappy marriage and I resented them for subjecting me to constant bickering and setting a poor example. You need to think of yourself first and then your children. The happier you are in life, the better off they will be, even if they don't realize it in the short term.
    happycboys

    Answer by happycboys at 12:14 PM on Nov. 16, 2010

  • It doesn't sound like it is repairable but maybe. The only advice is do NOT stay for the kids. I am a product of that and it does way more harm then good. If you don't think your kids have any idea of what is going on you are mistaken. They already have a broken home in the home. You can actually be doing them a favor by leaving.
    mlmsm928

    Answer by mlmsm928 at 12:23 PM on Nov. 16, 2010

  • My thoughts.

    IF you want your marriage. Yes, those things can be worked on & worked out. And the possibility of a better marriage/relationship than you could imagine at this point is entirely possible. However. For that to happen, BOTH of you must be totally committed to, dedicated to and truly want it to happen. Then you BOTH have to put in the hard work to make it happen. Work that includes: BOTH of you being totally honest with one another about ALL feelings/issues/problems/resentments ect that exist in your relationship. BOTH of you being will to address those problems openly and honestly..And BOTH of you working together to rectify those problems together in order to rebuild your relationship from the ground up. Which is what needs to be done if there has been this much damaged done to the relationship over time. It's not easy. It is damn hard. It takes years to do in most cases. But can be so worth it.
    Cont.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 12:23 PM on Nov. 16, 2010

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