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Should they be allowed to go to the dance, after acting like this??

Our daughters 12 and 13 asked to go to the school dance this Friday, and we agreed that they could both go. Well they came home today and said everyone is going with a "date" and two boys asked them to go and they said yes. Well when my husband heard this, he told them absolutely not! They are not allowed to date, and he told them they could go with friends, but no dates!
Needless to say drama ensued and they both whined and threw a huge tantrum and my oldest stomped and started throwing stuff around. After that thier dad said they could not go at all for thier behavior and that they were grounded for the weekend. (groan..) I am thinking maybe give them another chance and have their punishment be something else?, but I don't see there be any budging on the issue.
Ladies what are your thoughts?


Asked by WishyClarkson at 5:46 PM on Nov. 3, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

Level 9 (305 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • Is this a surprise to them? Have you not let them know that they can't date until they are... 16 years old? I was raised knowing that 16 was the very first time that I could even consider dating. It was a good rule! I lived by it and have raised my daughter the same. My sons also know our rules. They aren't as big a deal because they weren't interested till then. I would tell your girls that this dance is out and if I felt that this was going to be a problem then I would be a chaperon to the next dance. We need to be a part of our children's lives and we need to set limits and standards early and hold true to them!  OH, BTW, your husband is the patriarch of your home.  If he is a good father and husband then you need to respect him and show your daughters that you back him up!  This will show your husband that you respect his authority and show your daughters the same.  It's a good thing!


    Answer by MrsDocNavyGuy at 7:12 PM on Nov. 3, 2008


    Answer by brandyluzdavid at 5:51 PM on Nov. 3, 2008

  • I agree with him totally. I know you want them to do the fun things but if you let them get away with this especially throwing things now, you are in big trouble. And if you step in and fix this for them with Dad again big trouble. Let them learn to suffer the consequences now because if they don't as they get older life will throw them a lot more consequences than not being able to go to one dance.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:52 PM on Nov. 3, 2008

  • I dont think that at that age a date to a dance is the same as a "real" date. Its up to you but if you drop them off and pick them up then whats the diff? They'd see those two boys there anyway and being most likely hanging out with them while they're there. At least if you are doing the driving you know that they're not going anywhere else. Technically making it not a date. BUT they acted out when they didnt get what they wanted so why give in? If they want to be treated responsibally(sp??) then they need to stop acting so immature. Id see how their behavior is the rest of the week and go from there. If you give in everytime then they'll know that they can bahave a certain way and still get what they want. Trust me, I was a spoiled brat so I know! lol GL

    Answer by Steph319 at 6:10 PM on Nov. 3, 2008

  • If you feel that you want to give them another chance then def talk to your hubby first. There is nothing worse than a parent that goes behind the others back.

    Answer by Steph319 at 6:14 PM on Nov. 3, 2008

  • honestly i would have let them go with a date their idea of a date, is a slow dance plus theres going to be chaperones there but after that act, i would let them go just make it known if they do it ever again there will be no more dances untill next year.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:15 PM on Nov. 3, 2008

  • dad's always have to get in the way!! let them go.

    Answer by charisma10 at 6:48 PM on Nov. 3, 2008

  • Maybe you can talk dad into letting them earn their way to the dance (without dates) Extra chores or extra time with the grounding - whatever works for your family. Then all of you sit down and you parents let them know that tanrums are for babies and they can earn the privelege of getting to go the dance by doing XYZ.
    If they don't do XYZ then they don't go.

    Answer by lanckn at 7:09 PM on Nov. 3, 2008

  • Your DH is right. They should not behave in such a manner. If you give in you are teaching them that whining and throwing fits gets them what they want and they will continue. They obviously aren't mature enough to handle having dates if they are acting like whiny little kids. You should stand by your spouses decision and form a unified front so your children will not know they can play one against the other. They won't die for missing one dance. Also, when the next dance comes around, volunteer to be a chaperone! That works for us!

    Answer by goinginsane1 at 7:16 PM on Nov. 3, 2008

  • I would let them go. They are 12 and 13, it's okay for them to go to a school dance and meet a boy that will have plently of adults to supervise. I would talk to your hubby first though and not go behind his back....

    Answer by tuttiepiemomma at 7:42 PM on Nov. 3, 2008