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married almost 13 yrs husband and i fuse about same issues over and over for half of our mariage (inlaws) he sents me for it and i am tried of it, i want no part of his family anymore, they have hurt me alot and hurt their granddaughter, they don't give a crap about her since she has been born. and he has lied to me half of our marriage he has a addiction, porn...

when do you know if you should let go of a marriage can't seen to make it work....because we seem to keep going around in circles with same issues for years now and it is not going to change..1 1/2 ago started going to church and went to consuling at church thought we were getting on the right path, but last week had a fight and it seems that my husband resents me for not wanting to have anything to do with his family anymore and our daughter doesn't either and he has not accepted that in his heart and he is having a hard time dealing with it and doesn't know how to handle it and truly accept it, but for me he has to respect me and i am done with them, no one time to stop, i wil forgive them someday but that doesn't mean i want to go back around them and put myseld in that situatiion again and get hurt all over again, i will not be pushed around anymore, my daughter does not feel love for them for along time now, she is done.

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lisa98450

Asked by lisa98450 at 1:14 PM on Nov. 16, 2010 in Relationships

Level 5 (64 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • I would make him choose for now. Either you and your daughter or his other family. Maybe after things calm down between you and him. Then you can work on handling his family. Working on several problems at once isn't going yto get you anywhere. Good luck.
    arenad

    Answer by arenad at 1:19 PM on Nov. 16, 2010

  • I'm sorry but you can't blame the family thing on your hubby. My guess is you knew who they were when you married him. My in-laws were not fond of me, and I knew it going in. But I chose to marry my husband anyway. So I went with him to family gatherings. I didn't say much, and I smiled a lot and held his hand the whole time we were there. Your daughter doesn't like them probably because she sees how you respond to them and is following your lead. What happened in my case was that my husband eventually came to see that his family treated me unfairly, and he began to stand up to them. We never stopped honoring them as his parents. When the parents died, I went to the funeral home as support for my husband when the casket was selected and arrangements were made, but I kept quiet. It's about your husband, and if you will gut it up and support him, you will reap the rewards you so desperately want.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 1:20 PM on Nov. 16, 2010

  • when you are not happy more days then sad. Me and my husband have had fights and problems and when it all comes down to it.. the mistakes he has made, he cheated, has hid things and made mistakes. I can still sit down and look at him like my best friend and i am still happy with him. 9 days out of 10 are happy. if i lose that it is over.

    if the inlaws are the biggest problem then find away to get it back to just your family. you did not marry his family you married him. I live 5 states away from my family. I would recommend counseling or at least a step back. before you had a daughter i am sure it wasnt all about his family. where is your family and how would you feel if the tables were turned? I think that it is better to work on your marriage and find what works that makes u both happy and if he has to spend time with his famliy without you then that is a compromise that u can make.good luck
    NaiveDream

    Answer by NaiveDream at 1:25 PM on Nov. 16, 2010

  • I have been with my husband 10 yrs, don't always like his family they are different then mine but that being said that means my family is different then what he is use to. We still go to family events on both sides, I don't let my feelings get in the way of his family spending time with our kids. i feel family is very important sometimes they make me mad or say things without thinking! But they are still family.
    I feel like people give up on there marriage to easily theses days, however if you don't want to fix it then what can I say move on.....
    I just hope that your feelings torwards his family have not made your daughter feel that.
    Not having any idea what they did to you and or her I can not judge you for your choose, but does he know what they have done? I guess that is the question, if not you should talk about it......if so then why doesn't he understand?
    g/l with with whatever you end up doing
    Becnfamily

    Answer by Becnfamily at 1:42 PM on Nov. 16, 2010

  • I'd do the same as nannyb. Luckily my DH likes me in general. I am just super nice to them and support my hubby.
    bjane01

    Answer by bjane01 at 3:07 PM on Nov. 16, 2010

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