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I really dont know what more I can say to her.. (about a friend)

Im not sure what to say to her really anymore.. My friend has been with her boyfriend for 6 years.. Her boyfriend has done some not so honest things to her, like trying to have a girl come over while she was at work[they have an apt. together], talking to other girls (though he says hes never physically cheated).. After alot of people telling her she deserves better (which she does, honestly) and can find someone who will appreciate her.. I mean this guy is so lazy, he works 2 days per week and she pays all of the bills, rent, cable, etc.. He spends all his money on weed.. So a guy starts coming into her work.. Shes never even spoke to another man behind his back, but she felt like she was ready to leave, as she says this guy got to her and told her what everyone else has been telling her.. Well her & her boyfriend break up.. She starts talking to this guy and catching feelings for him.. Mostly the just text all the time..CONT

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:49 PM on Nov. 16, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (20)
  • She needs to be away from both of these guys and get her head straight. It's hard when there's two people in the mix, and typically once one knows of the other, they will do something desperate to keep a hold on what they have - or had. Solo time may be good for her until she knows what and who she wants.
    rio_burb

    Answer by rio_burb at 2:39 PM on Nov. 16, 2010

  • totally waiting for the cont :)
    kiansmom0423

    Answer by kiansmom0423 at 1:51 PM on Nov. 16, 2010

  • From the parts I've read - she needs to leave her boyfriend for good and take some time to herself. Only then will she know what she wants out of a relationship and what she deserves. She won't tolerate the crap from anyone once she takes care of herself.
    amybaby_19

    Answer by amybaby_19 at 2:02 PM on Nov. 16, 2010

  • .. But the guy she was with talked her into going back making her feel bad, like "youre just going to throw 6 years away".. I mean this guy talks down to her all the time, when she wakes up in the morning he'll be like "ew, you need to do something with yourself." Or she will be relaxing after work and he will tell her to go do her hair and put on make-up.. One time I went to the mall with her and she got a cute outfit, we go back to her place, she tries it on to show him, he looked at her and said, "That looks dumb, you need to take it off" .. But anyway, he talks her into coming back by asking her to marry him.. And just making her feel bad and making him seem like some type of victim.. He told her their entire relationship he didnt want to marry her or have kids with her.. So he asks her to marry him to get her back, I guess he realized he would have nothing without her there.. So they get engaged, and she cant stop.. CONT
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:56 PM on Nov. 16, 2010

  • I'm waiting for the cont.
    Jessica45

    Answer by Jessica45 at 1:58 PM on Nov. 16, 2010

  • and she cant stop thinking about the guy she talked to while they were seperated.. Now she isnt sure if she wants to be there, but just found out she may be pregnant by the man she was with for 6 years.. And she keeps saying she doesnt want to be there.. Then a few hours later she calls like I want to be with him.. Like she cannot make up her mind.. & Im just like, you know its really up to what you want to do, do you want to stay or go? And I just really dont know what to say to her anymore.. Now like everytime they get into an argument she calls like come get me, then calls right back like nevermind.. Her now fiance knows about the guy she talked to while they were seperated bc she told him.. And yesterday he sends her a fb message saying he misses her.. and again shes unsure.. I really dont know what to say anymore.. The relationship prior to the 6 year was very abusive physically and CONT
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:00 PM on Nov. 16, 2010

  • She keeps saying, atleast he doesnt beat me like my EX.. But I feel like I know she doesnt want to be there but she is scared to leave, esp. now that she might be pregnant.. I dont know what to say to her.. ANY ADVICE APPRECIATED!!!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:01 PM on Nov. 16, 2010

  • Not like scared he will beat her if she leaves, but scared because she doesnt want to be alone.. I dont know why she thinks she cannot make it without a man, when she could.. But she says shes scared of starting over..
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:05 PM on Nov. 16, 2010

  • Low self-esteem. She is probably thinking that any relationship is better than being beat. Have you told her that this relationship is abuse as well? Just a different kind.
    Shanna84

    Answer by Shanna84 at 2:12 PM on Nov. 16, 2010

  • I agree Amy & Shanna, I told her I think she needs to just have some time alone to figure out what she really wants.. But she said she doesnt want to leave because her now fiance said if she leaves her going to have sex with another girl asap.. And that he wouldnt take her back.. She has a great personality and she is really pretty.. But I know she is kinda messed up bc she was in the abusive relationship when she was younger..
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:16 PM on Nov. 16, 2010