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3 Bumps

How do you deal with the after effects (emotionally) after a miscarriage?

 
xxhazeldovexx

Asked by xxhazeldovexx at 10:20 PM on Nov. 16, 2010 in Pregnancy

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Answers (10)
  • one day at a time. its just as hurtful a loss as any death, especially the death of your child. you go through all the regular cycles of grieving. you're in shock, sad, angry, lost, sad again...every time you see a baby, or a pregnant woman, it hits you. the due-date comes around, and you're hit. the date you miscarried comes around, and you're hit, again. two, even three years later, you still think, ''she'd be almost three years old. i wonder what she'd look like?". the extreme sadness and hurt will wane, but never really goes away. its a loss of a child desired, a child lost. you never forget.
    yes, it gets easier to deal with, as life does go on. but you never forget, and wonder. sometimes, i still pass the baby department (in any store) and check out the little dresses. no, i don't 'know' that she was a girl, but somehow, i believe she was.
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 10:32 PM on Nov. 16, 2010

  • It's a hard task, especially if you miscarry early on. The first week after I lost my baby, i was a zombie. The only thing that pulled me out of it was my two dd's. I wrote my feelings. I cried and cried, then cried some more. I think it helps a little bit to find something that you can keep that reminds you of that LO. Its a long process that I dont think i will ever get over. Just surround yourself with loved ones.
    Phippsandrea

    Answer by Phippsandrea at 10:24 PM on Nov. 16, 2010

  • I don't think you ever do...I don't think I have dealt with it till this day. I'm 8 weeks pregnant and may miscarry again...every one told me it just wasn't meant to be.... But nothing really got rid of that void. I told people about it and that helped some. But me and dh didn't, we just couldn't. I went on vacations and hurried myself with friends and went to parties.... I am sorry and do hope you find inner peace. Whatever you do, know it's not your fault.
    Erzy

    Answer by Erzy at 10:32 PM on Nov. 16, 2010

  • You grieve it like any other loss, so you have to acknowledge it and mourn it. It gets better with each day that passes. For me, I went to a therapist to help me with the process. I hadn't told any friends or most of my family that I was even pregnant, much less miscarried. She had me tell everyone and as scared as I was, it really did help to know that all these people were there to support me and even some had been there before! The next step I have to take is to write a "grief letter" telling the baby how much they were wanted and how much they will be missed. It does get better. I use to cry every day, now I cry every few days. Eventually I guess I'll just cry every once in a while :)
    CJM_SHM

    Answer by CJM_SHM at 10:52 PM on Nov. 16, 2010

  • My mom still cries at the memory of losing her babies over 35 years ago. It's a loss, and you'll always feel it. I know I'll still feel it 35 years down the road, too. I keep the sonogram pictures as a memory...
    GoodyBrook

    Answer by GoodyBrook at 10:57 PM on Nov. 16, 2010

  • I lost my first baby at 9 weeks in 2006. I got pregnant 3 and 1/2 months later and my son was born 6 weeks premature and is now a healthy 3 year old but I still cry on my other babys due date and the date that I miscarried, it never goes away.
    XandersMomma07

    Answer by XandersMomma07 at 11:14 PM on Nov. 16, 2010

  • It was hard for me.Really hard.I cried everyday for a long time.I felt better when I got a tattoo of a ring with the babies birthstone of the due date on my finger.Now I look at it everyday and think of my little angel who I will see again someday.The hardest part is the due date was my daughters birthday.So on her birthday its always a little sad for me.
    aliceinlove

    Answer by aliceinlove at 11:32 AM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • Its hard! Its OH SO HARD! You dont ever forget it. You dont ever think oh my baby (babies for me) would be this old... My husband and I cried a lot, talked about it a lot and decided it was time to try again! I dont think you ever truely get over it!

    kiansmom0423

    Answer by kiansmom0423 at 12:06 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • I don't think it's something you can ever forget or 'get over' but I found that by actually doing something to mark my loss helped. I had an early miscarriage. I was allowed the remains from my d&c and buried them under a tree I brought specially, this really helped and I like to look out to my garden knowing the baby is with me. I also have a memorial bear, nothing fancy I found it on ebay and it was pretty cheap but is personalised and has a lovely poem with it. I also wear a necklace with the the birthstone of the month we lost the baby, it helps me feel close to the baby in some way. All these things helped me to process the loss and grieve. I fell pregnant very soon after my loss and by doing these things I was able to seperate the two pregnancies and deal with them both in my own way.
    MeAndLo

    Answer by MeAndLo at 1:29 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • Its very hard, I will never get over it. I have had 5 m/c in the last 3 years, each one gets harder for me to deal with. That is why we are no longer trying. I emotionlly can't deal with it anymore.
    1Giovanni

    Answer by 1Giovanni at 12:59 AM on Nov. 23, 2010