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Adopting my neice

I just found out that my brother's gf may be placing her baby for adoption when she is born in December. She isn't financially able to support two kids and my brother has been avoiding her for the last 2 months. The only down side is that we live half way across the country from them. I'm just looking for some input or ideas on what I should do. I has 2 SDs and we could financially support another baby, but I would the BM to still be a part of her life is possible.

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sadfairytale

Asked by sadfairytale at 8:17 PM on Nov. 3, 2008 in Adoption

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Answers (8)
  • why is your brother avoiding her? Does she know you have interest in adopting her child? If he is treating her badly might that affect her wanting you to adopt her child? (and yeah, avoiding the woman you got pregnant IS pretty bad) If you know for certain she is considering adoption I would contact her & say you would be interested. BTW, finances should NEVER be a reason to give up a child! There are many ways you can get financial assistence till you get on your feet. Finances are a temporary problem. I would not call her & infer that you think she can not take care of her child & that you could do it better. Also, if she needs financial help because of this child why is your brother letting her down?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:23 PM on Nov. 3, 2008

  • I think that it takes a special person to want to adopt & bless you for wanting to help BUT,..yes there's a but, Don't enable your brother to take responsibility for his child. Why can't he be there for the baby. It's his child as much as it is the girlfriends. He should really step up. Have you spoken to your Brother about this? Make sure you really do your research first. Would your brother be careless enough to do this again & not take responsibility? You can't take all the babies in & I know its hard since this baby is a part of your family but understand your reasons for adopting & make sure that you are ready. I wish you the best of luck on your decision!

    onespecialmom

    Answer by onespecialmom at 8:45 PM on Nov. 3, 2008

  • Talk to you brother or is girlfriend- now. Tell them that you would adopt the baby. It doesn't matter that you live across the country, you could still visit, talk on the phone and email.
    What will you do if he wants you to adopt the baby and she does not?
    luckyshamrock

    Answer by luckyshamrock at 8:48 PM on Nov. 3, 2008

  • tell them that you r interested...
    vakatia

    Answer by vakatia at 9:33 PM on Nov. 3, 2008

  • How old is the female?, Is she going to come back sooner or later and want her baby back cause she made a mistake? My sister did this to me. I never saw my niece again cause her father picked her up from the sitters, whisked her off to another state and let his mother raise her. She grew up thinking that her father was her uncle. ( throwing up just thinking about it) Think about what your getting yourself into. Hearts are delicate when it comes to babies.  

    Star419

    Answer by Star419 at 11:24 PM on Nov. 3, 2008

  • What's the story with your brother ? Is he questioning the paternity ? There is more to this situation than you've written!
    h2obare

    Answer by h2obare at 6:19 AM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • Yes there is a LOT more than I have written - She suggested putting her child up for adoption to my mother. I was adopted and didn't grow up with my brother. Honestly, I have talked to her a hand full of times, abut I've only talked to him once. I'm not trying to bail my brother out by far, my only intention is to help her with the hardest decision of her life. She said it's important the baby know family, and would rather let family raise her than some random person. I haven't told her I would take her yet, my husband and I are still talking it over. My brother knows the baby is his - no doubt. I just don't think he is mature enough to handle the situation that is why he has been avoiding her. We have all told him to step up and take care of his kid, but this is the 2nd kid he has fathered, and I'm sure he'll find an excuse out of it.
    sadfairytale

    Answer by sadfairytale at 6:51 PM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • Well...I currently have custody of my niece...I had been fighting for her since she was 7 (my brother signed his rights away when she was 2 and I lost track of her) She found me when she was 7...she had to write a story in school to someone that she had never met - so she wrote to me....I immediately contact her and was allowed (by her mother and adoptive father) to have her every summer and every other holiday...trust me it was a long hard battle but one well worth it...I finally got full custody when she was 14...she's now in college at Virginia Tech and was accepted straight into the engineering dept (for a woman that a feet) my recommendation to you is #1 get a good lawyer...and please try to get her at birth or shortly there after because although the outcome was great it was a very long roller coaster ride...and even when I got her I still had to deal with the physcho mom...l
    AbbysAunt1

    Answer by AbbysAunt1 at 10:06 PM on Nov. 4, 2008

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