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2 Bumps

Discipline or jealousy?

Im feeling torn between my love and responsibility as a mother, and my place as a wife. My partner 22 and my son 4 constantly fighting. In my opinion I try to see that my son will misbehave because what kid his age doesn't. I feel that my partner takes things to seriously. But right now I am pregnant and I feel my involvement is limited because I don't have the energy to chase my son around. But I feel that if I was constantly having someone yell at me I would feel irritated and act out too. I don't want to push my partner away because there is a baby in between but I dont want to expose my son to any psychological abuse. Any advice please?!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:22 AM on Nov. 17, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (4)
  • it sounds to me that your little guy might be jealous of your partner, and possibly that you have no energy to chase him around and now you have someone else stepping in as a parent figure. and possibly that you are pregnant he might be scared that you wont have enough time with him, I know you said he is only 4 but these are the only reasons i could think of . Hopefully it help Good luck
    toriturtle

    Answer by toriturtle at 12:28 AM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • It might be helpful to work with your son about listening better. My daughter, who is 3, got pretty terrible before the baby and isn't so hot always after. We do the 3 strikes your out policy. Which ends in time out whereupon she throws a huge fit sometimes and gets sent to her bedroom (upstairs) until she can behave.
    It may also help to talk to your partner, maybe send son to grandmas for a bit, and explain your worries and fears. What you feel is going on and what he feels. Decide on a plan of how you want to handle your son. Perhaps split the chore. You are repsonsible for diciplining over things like outright disobedience. And your partner gets eating dinner, picking up toys and bathtime or whatever.
    Its possible he doesn't see how he's acting the same way as you do. Lastly, if you feel its getting out of hand send dad to time out. Give him 5 bucks and off to the movie store to pick something out or whatever.
    JadeRDragosani

    Answer by JadeRDragosani at 12:35 AM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • I ran out of room. Witht he sending dad to time out, you could also do the opposite and remove your son from the situation. Have him get his coat and shoes on, you do the same and take him on a walk for some special mommy to son bonding. It's also possible he's acting out BECAUSE there's a new baby on the way and he's beginning to feel squished out by all the prep for this coming arrival.
    Make it a point to spend time with even if it's NOT that he's acting out. Make breakfast for the family, let him help crack the eggs and whip them, or push the toaster button. Then serve your partner in bed and join him.
    I've always heard that kids WANT attention and if they can't get it the good way then they'll act out becuase as far as a kid is concerned he just wants your attention any way he can get it.
    Hope this all helped. There's like a ton here. Sorry.
    JadeRDragosani

    Answer by JadeRDragosani at 12:39 AM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • Remind your partner who is the adult out of the two, and he/she needs to learn what is normal behavior for a 4 year old, and let you be the primary parent, who dictates the boundaries. Your 4 years old is used to YOuR boundaries, and it sounds like your partner has a different set of boundaries for him to follow, which is confusing and scary and frustrating. Add to that perhaps some jealousy over this person who is taking up Mommy's attention and affection, sprinkle in a pregnancy and all the stuff that goes with that, and you can see why your son is acting out. I would start with your partner, getting him/her on board with YOUR parenting style for YOUR child, and setting some ground rules of engagement between them. Then make sure your 4 year old isn't getting left in the cold, and reassure him that Mommy loves him just as much as you did before your partner entered the picture. Good luck!
    musicpisces

    Answer by musicpisces at 12:40 AM on Nov. 17, 2010

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