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Married 4ever and now he's not happy.....

Been together 16+ yrs, 3 kids, not so much as a fight. Abt 2 mos ago he says he isn't sure he wants to be married, not sure he's still in love with me, etc. I catered to his every whim for about a month, even let him go off to HI for a week to "think things thru", finally say leave, was just exhausted from giving and giving and getting zip in return. Prob is I still TOTALLY am in love. He is here for a couple of days, then disappears, is having massive work-stress (closing a company he owns, laying people off) and I'm trying hard not to add to the stress, but not sure what to do from here. Have asked if he's cheating, pretty much said it would be easier for me if that was the reason so come clean, but he says no and I honestly believe him. Just love him so much, am miserable without him, but can't keep this up. Any advice?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:15 PM on Nov. 3, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • I have no advice...All I can say is good luck and hang in there. Maybe he just feels inadequate because his business is closing and he wants to be able to provide more for you. I'm not sure. Sorry this is happening to you. I'm here if you need to chat. God bless.
    chupachyps

    Answer by chupachyps at 9:21 PM on Nov. 3, 2008

  • Sounds like he's having a mid life crisis. Or a breakdown. Best thing for him is to seek medical help. He obviously isn't able to sort things out by himself. And maybe you could try a vacation just the two of you. Or maybe leave him with the kids and you take a break from the situation.
    L.A.F.outloud

    Answer by L.A.F.outloud at 9:30 PM on Nov. 3, 2008

  • It sounds like he just has a lot of stuff to work out. Give him some time. If he were deployed, a truck driver or a traveling salesman you would have to wait fo his return. I don't see any difference. He has to slay his dragons then he'll come back to the castle and be able to think more clearly. Plus once he realizes how much spousal support and child support for three kids will be he'll be thrilled to reconsider! (ok, that might have been insensitive but it's a thought)
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:36 PM on Nov. 3, 2008

  • i'm so sorry, i hope everything works out for you. i dont know what to say to help.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:39 PM on Nov. 3, 2008


  • Seperate, keep support ($$$$) and don't talk to him for six months, AT ALL about anything. If' its another woman, he won't come back...usually when a man says "I don't thing I love you any more"...sorry to say, it is someone else. Been there...fought like crazy...and lost. not gonna do that again... 

    Star419

    Answer by Star419 at 9:43 PM on Nov. 3, 2008

  • Marriage counseling at least. It does sound as if business is stressing him out so much that he doesn't know how he feels about his personal life, which is terribly sad. You mean he disappears without telling you how to reach him or where he is going? This is not a sign of a loving husband and father. Maybe he has had a breakdown. You should be seeing a lawyer to protect your interests. He should get a physical exam to rule out illness causing this behavior. Good luck!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:15 PM on Nov. 3, 2008

  • Your situation sounds very similar to one I went thru 2 years ago. No fights, great marriage, everyone agreed we were the perfect couple (married 20 years). Then he started getting more and more withdrawn. Said he wasn't sure if he still wanted to be married to me. Finally got him to admit to his affair. Well he is now married to his affair partner. Please, talk to you husband and insist that he put his issues on the table. (You do the same). You may be able to save your marriage, and make it stronger with more openess and honesty. But if he's already checked out, get yourself a lawyer and take care of yourself and your kids. Divorce was the most unexpected thing I ever did, but now I am with a completely different type of man who it turns out is much better for me. I wish you the best, however it turns out.
    cook1928

    Answer by cook1928 at 11:22 PM on Nov. 3, 2008

  • My DH and I have been married for a long time and I still love him so much. I get excited when he comes in the door from work. (corny, I know) I think you know your DH best and you know whether or not he's the type to have someone on the side. But if he's coming and going then I'd say that's not the case, it sounds like he is truly in turmoil and may need some guidance. See if he's willing to do counseling with you, or maybe even alone. The stresses of losing a business and then having to tell people they're losing their jobs is very hard. Cover yourself financially but try to wait this out, he may realize leaving isn't what he wants after all! I wish you the best.
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 9:19 AM on Nov. 5, 2008

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